Today was all in all a good day :)

Math TA wasn't a problem, surprisingly. Before yesterday my knowledge of circular measure was rather ethereal to put it at best. But after 2 solid hours doing the supplementary worksheet, I was good to go. Haha (y)

RE was spent slacking. Abit late, but we finally submitted a list of SLs that we wanted to do. Hope we get a good one this year.

PSGM was fun. 1M are a bunch of crazy guys! I like ^^

Had CO initiation. And that's where all the problems started pouring in.

While at RJ canteen with the new sec ones, suddenly ZhenXiao told me JustinHo was on the phone, and he wanted to talk to me. Turns out he wanted me to run to the JB to check whether his shoe bag was left in 1M. Feeling sian, but I ran there anyway. Found his shoe bag, put it in the cupboard, then went to call him. Took out my phone.

And saw my screen die on me -_-

The screen froze and hanged, and it looked quite bad as in there were colours running and stuff like that. Worried, but not really thinking much about it, I removed the batt(the first time I've ever removed the casing lol) and reinserted and turned it on again.

It froze on me after the words 'Nokia' popped up. -_-

The rest of the day was spent taking out the battery, putting it in again and hoping for the best. Not once did it work, so I was feeling bloody anxious. Took out the sim card and put it in Zhenxiao's phone which he so kindly offered (thanks dude!) and found out that drumming for the night was cancelled. Dad was uncontactable, so I was holding on to his phone waiting for my dad to return my call. After waiting for about another half an hour at around 640, I sorta gave up, and returned it to him so he could go home (sorry zhenxiao! >_<) Put my sim back in and tried turning it on again. Defying the trend that was established throughout the day, the phone actually turned on!

Just in time to receive my dad's call too!

Coincidence? I thought so at the time.

Turning my phone off again to check whether it really was fixed, I turned it on again and found that it didn't work. Again. Pretty pissed off and puzzled, I spent the half an hour waiting practising. When I was leaving the room to go wait for my dad, something struck me. Perhaps this was God's punishment. For what I did. Thinking that, I prayed, telling God that I accept His punishment with joy, knowing that I fully deserve it. And just like that, taking my phone out of the pocket, I found that it was working again!


!!!!!!!!!!


Entering my dad's car, my dad asked me whether my phone was still spoilt. I told him that for the moment it was fine.

More or less immediately, my phone hung again. A gentle reminder, chiding me for my unbelief.

Abit awestruck at that moment, I removed the batt then put it in again.

And from that point on my phone has been working perfectly.




He's just so real and tangible! The immediate responses are much too much for mere coincidence. God is real indeed! For all those who say otherwise, explain this :)

Apologetics huh.

I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me
- Psalms 101:3

I'm not going to pretend that it's going to be easy, cause that's going to just be pretentious and naive.

That's the prayer of my heart tonight.



I promised.

And it scares me, because I know it's gonna cost me.

I don't want to fail again.

Struggling.

I hate summaries.

I simply detest them. I like to write, but I prefer to let my thoughts flow.

Not plan it out word by word -_-

And as my commitments start to pile up now, it's getting increasingly hard to stay focused, or to stay positive for that matter.

It shall certainly test my newfound resolve.

Classic quote from Lexus: (the new sec one in my section. He owns. Really.)

"Aiya, I want to be a PSL to torture the new sec ones only lah!"

It seems that some messages, and sentiments, hold true to every batch of Rafflesians year after year.

The awe-inspiring nature of our camps, that even when toned down to such an extent, we seem to inculcate a bit of a sadistic streak into every fresh batch.

Of course, we're not like that when it comes to sec four lah!

(I think.)

=))

Rambles after 12am.

It's taken me the whole bloody night, but I'm proud to announce-

THAT I'VE FINISHED MATHS PT.

And I'm exhausted. Haven't had a late night like this in ages. Better start getting used to it, cause I know it's only going to get worse over the course of the year.

Damn the flu, indeed. I'm now I realize quite behind. NEVERMIND I've almost caught up, just need to get my maths sorted out. At the moment its in quite a bit of a rut. Circular measure is a topic I just can't get the hang of, maybe cause I'm not a visual type of person? I can't really visualize and see the links and have that 'Eureka' moment just looking at the diagram. I must stare and stare and stare and more often than not just blindly hope that I'll notice something.

It doesn't help that I've forgotten all the rules about triangles like the cosine rule and all.

AND IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP THAT WE'VE JUMPED STRAIGHT INTO TRIGO RATIOS. GAHHH.

And I realize as well that I still need to go and refresh my mind about PSGM finale and maybe sort out my thoughts about it. Meeting's on tues after school and sadly I haven't been able to spend much time on it.

Damnit. School has taken a hold, nay, a vice-grip on my life at the moment. It's in full swing again, and I'm starting to feel dizzy.

In the midst of all this madness though, even through the times where I simply can't wait for the weekend (for more reasons than one)-

God is here with me ALL THE TIME. =)

And suddenly it doesn't seem so bad after all.

Reprioritized.

A conversation I had with Mr Ngoh (percussion pro and coach) just now was quite enlightening.

I remember last year, when going into CO and running for section leader, I had something in mind for my section. I had a goal, perhaps it was naive and unrealistic, but still, I had a goal.

Somewhere along the way in the past few months I've lost it. I lost the desire. I lost the passion, and become what I detest the most: someone who would settle for second best. And I admit yes the section has suffered as a result. Even if I haven't realized or acknowledged it.

So now, while I still have time, I'm going to start doing things differently. I've still got time left, and I believe that I got my position for a purpose. A time such as this, you can say.

It's time to start repaying the faith.

Your time starts now.

sunday morning rain is fallin'

I think I'm in quite a big mess. I have all of 2+ hours to finish my matrices assignment, i.e. the real life problem part.

TGN's potato and tomato ABC song is damn hilarious. Haha o.O

I think I'm going for keyboard tryouts on sat. Shit I'm going to go there and look damn noob lar. Cannot get in then how malu! >< And some more I don't have any scores or what, just play by ear only. Go there unprepared and die. -_-

Cartel is bad for wallet. Went there with JC, Li Anne and Leslie. It's nice, but I can't really appreciate it cause of my flu. Gahhhhhhh.

Sorry if the points come in random order. I'm just typing whatever comes to mind about today. Yup.

BACK TO MATHS ASSIGNMENT AHH.

I was bored, so..

This is damn funny. I was very bored when i did it okay! Hahahahahaha. As to whether its true or not is another case altogether. Lawl.

Crunch time.

The whole of my adolescent life, I've been struggling. Struggling, and frankly, getting nowhere at all. Even up till now I still fail. Fail over and over and over.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, God has been with me all the while. The dark recesses of my soul, the empty promises, the words and words alone that see no action. He sees it all. Yet I cannot comprehend why in spite of all these God still loves me, and even rejoices over me. It's mind-boggling that even though I fail time and time again, each time asking for his forgiveness that He actually gives it. The amazing grace of our Lord Jesus Christ never ceases to humble me.

I've tried, time and time again by my own strength alone. And that's why I fail. Fail so completely.

I know the words, know what to say, what I'm supposed to do. But just why can't I actually do it?

I'll obey the Lord because I love him. This is what I'm going to cling onto, what I'm going to live by. For the joy of the Lord is my strength. In this test of faith, I think it's crunch time. Time to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk.

This is IT. It starts NOW.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world
-1 John 4:4

For I can do all things through my God who strengthens me. And I know very well that my resolve is going to be tested, it will waver. I have to once and for all depend on God, depend on Him like I never have before.

My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth!
-Psalms 121:2

We are the salt of the earth, shining God's glory for the world to see. And it's high time I started to live that way.

I won't pretend anymore. Simply put, it's now or never.

For God has said, "I will never fail you, I will never forsake you."
-Hebrews 13:5b

Amen.

I really need help

Today was a big waste of time. I should have just stayed home and not went to school again. My stomach acted up during lessons today again lor. And we didn't even do anything worthwhile the entire day. Zzz. Could have spent my time much better.

Ooh but drumming lesson by Nat in ROL was fun! I finally learnt how to hold the stick correctly, and like he said, now I'm finding it alot easier to play. Good good. Sounds not bad now leh! -ego-
And the short jamming session was great too. I really wanna play for FL keyboard and drums. Haha, but see first lah. Maybe this is the opening that I've been looking for? Time will tell.

On a more panicky note, I've got two tests tmr! AAAHHHH. Chem and Maths. Zzz at least they're on relatively easy topics but STILL. My chem totally sucks. My math is erratic. Which means that I'm not entirely confident about tmr.

I don't really sound very coherent at the moment because I'm just letting my fingers run on and on on the keyboard, typing out whatever nonsense comes to my mind in whatever random order.

Lol I'm back to playing FM again! Here's my first team now:

GK - Ustari/Mexes
DR - Eboue/Vandenborre/Brown
DL - Marcelo/Heinze
DC - Ferdinand/Pique
DC - Arzo
DM - Carrick/R.Jones (Youth team okay! I developed him!)
LM - Nani/Iago
AM - (deepbreath) RaulGarcia/Moutinho/Cardenas/Messi
RM - C.Ronaldo/J.Navas/Messi
FC - Podolski/Rooney/Rossi/Bojan/Delgado

I can count only 6 of the current Man U first team that remain in my squad. Hmm.

Here I am stuck at home again.

And that blasted stomachache is still here.

This sucks. At least I've made better use of my time today, been studying since I woke up. I think when I go back to school I'll be very behind. zzzt.

ZZZ

The pain still stubbornly refuses to cease its relentless torment. And not only that, now I feel like vomiting. How quaint. I don't think I'm in fit shape to go to school tmr, but see how. I hate this.

The pain hasn't really subsided. Damn.

Unfortunately, I didn't study that much. Mostly did chem, and read the poem Ms Johnson asked us to read, the one about the bishop ordering his own tomb. Now I know what she meant about the role of silence in that particular poem.

I've decided that I have to become more ruthless in CCA. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

(>_<)

Just came back from the doctor. Looks like there's a 60-70% chance of gastrititis, and the other 30-40% is pancreatitis or gall bladder inflammation.

Please please let it just be gastritis >_<

Of course, this means I'm not going to school um today. Must catch up on my work.

ouchh.

tami: yeah man! :D I can say the same of your red ipod nano XD totally hot!

About yesterday's filming: we rocked the house down! Raffles (y)

Went to vivo today for the first time ever. Deprived yes, but honestly I don't see the attraction of the place. Sure its a great place to buy clothes but other than that it doesn't really have much of an edge over the other shopping malls. I bought 4 really nice shirts though for CNY, really happy with my purchases.

On another note, I've been having a recurring stomachache since 1 yesterday. ZZZ. Damn pain. Can't even exercise now lor.

=DD

Finally got myself a new phone! =D

The sexy n73 (y)

Will upload some of the pictures taken by the phone in the future. Suffice it to say that the quality rocks, ala 3.2megapixel camera.

Although the hole its burned in my pocket is rather sizeable...Haha.

X(

GRRaAarRR.

I've just wasted 20 msgs in the space of half an hour just to communicate practice time, having to resend to the same old people THREE FRICKIN' TIMES. And in the end? I had to cancel the rest of the practices this week.

I am NOT in a good mood.

We are going to BOMB next month during performance. Sincerely, no joke.

This is the last straw. I had better see A MUCH BETTER PERFORMANCE on saturday during dazhu and sectionals. If not, there's gonna be some radical changes around here. Take my word for it.

Re: Not-so-crappy post ( -_-" )

Reply to Jotham's latest post on his blog:

I for one don't view you as weak for talking about this kinda stuff. Rather the opposite in fact: I think you deserve respect for having the courage to go open about the way you feel. It takes strength, inner strength and sacrifice to be willing to be candid, to lay yourself bare before other people. I know many others struggle with this, but precious few actually are willing to come out and say it.

Although I admit that it is far more difficult to do actually find true friendship in RI and perhaps Raffles in general (others will testify to this), I must say that it isn't impossible. You just have to continue looking, and perhaps you'll find it in places where you never expected it to be. I can testify to that =)

Keep the faith!

I think I'm nuts.

I feel nice and tired now.

Hope I don't catch a cold. Yup.

Decided to run today cause I came home rather early, at around 230. Touched up on my speech for tmr (AAAAHHHHHHHHH) then left the house at around 410.

For those of you that know, the halfway point of bedok reservoir (roughly around the 2.4km mark) can be considered a no man's land. Once you hit that point, there's no choice but to go on since there's nowhere to stop. Or shelter, for that matter. And how quaint, that today right when I hit that point it started to rain!

-clapclap-

So I ran for another 1 km more before stopping. Running with a drenched shirt that's heavy is damn irritating. So is running in the torrential downpour, come to think of it. So I managed to find shelter eventually, having run 3+km. Hahaha I did QT there during the 5-10 minutes breather I took while waiting for the rain to lessen!

Then I continued running for the last 1+ km or so. I need to run more! I need that sub-9 for 2.4. Mmhmm.

Wanted to go to the gym directly, but realized that

a) I was soaking wet
b) My legs were covered in gravel (from the running)
c) If I entered the gym I'd probably die of pneumonia

soooooooooo I had to go upstairs, dry up, change, and go back down to gym.

Like I said, I think I'm nuts. Don't be surprised if I don't turn up for school tomorrow =D

Deliverance

Hallelujah!

In my time of need, You were beside me every step of the way.

You've answered me in a most obvious and amazing way, such that I know that it could only come from You oh Lord. You've relieved ALL my fears, ALL my doubts; You are God.

Thank You, Lord Jesus.

You are my God.

Now and forevermore.

FUSION 2007!

Hahaha went for Fusion yesterday. Whoa it was really worth it. Morning worship wasn't that hot, cause I guess everyone wasn't really warmed up yet, but Youth Alive really made the worship enjoyable nontheless. But whether we have fun or not isn't the point, really. Haha.

Then we had workshops for the whole afternoon! I went for some evangelistic workshop and another seize life workshop. Found them rather good. Learnt quite abit. In the lunch break I ended up eating at macs. Yeuck. Wanted to go Pasta (cause of the 20% discount HAHA) but queue was too long! Bah.

On a side note, mass dance for jc sounds cool! Heard the RJ one on Li Anne's phone, then the MJ one on Audrey W.'s one. Haha funkyyy.

Ohh then the night rally seriously rocked the house down. It owned, totally. Our BMC dance item was great! (Pirates of the Caribbean music (y)) Then the worship by Youth Alive this time was awesome, everyone just let loose and praised God, and had alot of fun at the same time! 'All of the Above' sounds really tempting now. Planetshakers too! I need more music bwahaha.

HAHA and I managed to get the exclusive Fusion 2007 shirt! Only ushers got it, but during dinner break we were stoning around with nothing to do, just following the rest who were ushers, then it turns out they needed more ushers so we got roped in (and got the shirt and a free dinner!). =D

I enjoyed the ushering too. Does this mean I'm gonna join Touche? I really still don't know.

If there's Hillsongs this year I'm DEFINTELY going for it! Missed planetshakers last year already. =X





After talking to TGN today I've decided that I might try for soccer in RJ next year HAHA. He says as long as your stamina is damn good (like 9 min for 2.4km which I'm so gonna get by may this year) you can get in. Apparently he said that even some people who can't dribble managed to get in. Whoaaa. It's a straight choice between this and canoeing I guess. But maybe I shouldn't think so far ahead? Hmm. Haha I don't think I'll be good enough, but if it's God's will then He will make a way. If it's not then so be it =)

On a rather more sober note, I've made a resolution that for the moment shall remain anonymous.

Waha.

:D Very very satisfied now. I have no more work left to do thats due within the next few weeks xD The stupid zhoujis are once and for all DONE. Hehe, so proud of myself. Really worked to chiong out the 800+ words needed each for all 3. Ahh, sweet sweet satisfaction :D

Forgive me I'm a little high now HAHA.

Ok.

Almost 2 weeks since school started, and I have to say, I've been really pleased with the way the year has been going so far! For one, I've been keeping to my new year resolutions (rah!) and I'm feeling quite good about schoolwork at the moment. I've been keeping track and following what has been said in class for the first time in my life! Woohoo! Lol.

And camp last week was great, but I still have a distinct lack of pictures. Be patient!

Oh and I got pushed to be class monitor this year. When the results first came out, Tedric was monitor again, Ding was assistant and Bentay treasurer. But Ding didn't want to stay, Tedric wanted out of monitor, and so SOMEHOW I've ended up class monitor. Hah, I'm still very clueless about what I have to do. lol!

I better end this post before I sound even more incoherent than I already am. Mm.

JRIC

Junior Rafflesian Investiture Ceremony. Doesn't seem so long ago that we were going through our own, was it? Time really flies, and suddenly I realize that I've gone through camp with the sec ones, JRIC, and all that's left is PSGM. I resolve to treasure and make more use of the time we have left here in RI, and as a PSL.

Heh. Today was a slack day, and somehow I managed to play two hours of soccer. I really should have bought the boots long ago. Only 2 hours of lessons today, and I spent the lecture in the hall sl- I mean, listening with utmost attention. Mmmhm.

JRIC was heartening. I think the secondary ones have really grown up in the past week, but most of all Kester from my class. First day of school, when we were trying to teach them Unite and shouting at them, I remember him actually tearing up. My first reaction was -_-. But during the camp he really stepped forward and shone, and emerged as a great leader for the class. And seeing him go up to make the speech today, I really felt proud and happy. Ahh, the satisfaction from seeing your charges grow up :)

But other than that for the rest of JRIC we did absolutely nothing. We just stoned on the second level of the hall doing nothing. Great manpower usage, no?

Back to chinese! Ta.

I know why this is happening.

And I deserve it.

Lord grant me acceptance, joy and Your peace.

Amen.

Back to Lessons..

First post since orientation 2007! Had a real blast, and a really fulfilling time, but more on that when I get my pictures! Promise! Really! =)

Well its really back to reality. Had my first proper lessons of the year today. Well contrary to expectations I think we've all got really good teachers this year, and hopefully I can do much better this year. Yup. 4P is still as noisy as ever haha. Missed the jokes and fun we had last year. But this year I hope we can quieten down abit. Not alot to ask for...right? Cause surprise surprise this year I actually want to listen and pay attention in class. Hopefully I've learnt my lesson from last year.

I need to get a check on my emotions when playing sports. It's been a long running problem with me. When I feel frustrated or angry with what my opponents have done (like cheating or playing rough) I tend to react very strongly. Gaaaah. Need to change this.

JRIC rehearsal tmr! Hope we can be focused, get it done and go home early :) I want my gym time, haven't gone in a week >_>

First Day of School

But before I go into that, I just had to mention robin's latest reply on his tagboard.

"Cool. Hey jot, let's make fun of amanda" HAHA. It's a regular pasttime xD



Okay, so met my class (1M) for the first time today. Impression is.......quiet. And rather unresponsive, and abit 'dont care' attitude. Mmhm. We were rather nice today for the most part, until after standing in the hot sun for half an hour trying to teach them the Unite Cheer and not seeing any response. Then, we cracked and started shouting at them for a bit. Ended up making two of them (almost?) cry. o.O Man if they went for our orientation camp 2004 what would happen to them! But maybe it was abit too much for them to handle on the first day of school. Ah well. And I like my fellow 1M PSLs, they all seem quite fun. First impressions are generally wrong.

First day went smoothly for the most part other than the blip mentioned above. Although I did feel it lacked a certain oomph, it was generally a good job done. Bravo guys! (For some reason I thought our first day was better, but I dont know why since I cant remember anything about ours O_O) After a long and much more tiring day than I expected we were released for lunch at 215. Went to RJC to grab a bite. The J1 orientation shirt looks rather nice. Akaash is in love with it.

Came back for another long briefing from 3 to around 530. Helped out for abit before going home. Haven't eaten dinner yet, stomach rumbling...

And yep Orientation Camp is tomorrow! Pray that it all goes smoothly. I think we can pull it off, yeah? By God's grace alone. Anyway, so I'll be at camp (which is held in RI -_-) from tomorrow until Saturday night! (Which means that I'll try my very utmost to make it to FL on Sunday! Hope I don't crash for too long and oversleep ><) I'll still be fully contactable by handphone though. Cya guys on Sat!

Ach.

Oh no. Can't believe school is starting tomorrow. You'd think I would get used to it, seeing how I feel like this every start of January. Mmmhm.

Well, its crunch time. Meeting my class (1M) as a PSL for the first time tomorrow morning. Wonder how it'll go; of course I hope we can hit off right from the start. Must be more friendly and outgoing! Yep. I really really hope that Orientation '07 goes well, that there'll be no hiccups and that everything runs smoothly. Haha well maybe that's abit too much to hope for. That we'll make it through is enough I guess hahaha. Oh Lord please guide my way, that I may be a blessing unto others..

Went to Uncle BoonTiong's house last night. Looked at my Shanghai photos for the first time. Lol. Yeah and Hansel really is a bundle of energy la! He constantly disturbed Wesley Ian and me hahahahaha. But I got a big scare last night; for some reason my phone suddenly started acting up, freezing here and there after running some programs. Totally random. At the moment it's okay, but I hope it doesn't act up again. Survive until after Orientation Camp can already. Looking at getting a new phone, but don't know what. N-gage trade in value still better be $100, then can cover the cost of a 12-mnth upgrade. Pfft.

Just came back from shopping at Popular this morning. Got a whole lot of guidebooks (?) for my sciences. Hopefully they'll be of help.

K back to chinese book review. Can't believe that I still haven't finished it, considering that I worked for the whole of yesterday -_- Maybe I haven't been as productive as I thought. Oh well, 15 sides and counting..