Alright after 268 posts I'm going to let this blog gently die and fade away.

It's been fun, and some posts I think are meaningful enough to be kept.

I know I just changed the layout, but who cares haha.

If you want my new address ask me. It's not very hard to guess!

EDIT: New blog up.  I have no idea who's reading my blog now so if you want the address ask me haha

Now I wonder if I've been doing the right thing all this while! Ohhhh how complicated things can be.

Heading to school for PW in about 2 hours time, then to yelin's house. I'm going to be absolutely bushwhacked tonight.

I feel like I'm on the verge of some monumental decision.

Living like this isn't living either.

Too much on my mind now. How am I going to finish any work!?

A quick change to a new simple layout, before its off to start work.

Just came home from Shakespeare 24. After RI performed its play (which was a tragedy), the Hwachong and RJ plays (both comedies - Twelth Night and Midsummer's Night Dream which are my favourite Shakespearean comedies) stole the show completely. Was enjoyable in the end! Jotham's running commentary was entertaining though.

Words feel woefully inadequate.

Haha I really shouldn't have been doing this considering I still have the taking sides essay to do (of which I've only touched the introduction) but I was reading old blog posts and other people's old blog posts from the beginning of this year and I realize that time has really flown and suddenly we find ourselves smack in the middle of term 2 week 6; deadlines are approaching work's a neverending pile and our college commitments haven't even started yet.

Makes me really appreciate term 1. Life now is exciting for different reasons though and the class and friends have made school something to look forward to still (homeroom after lessons and lunch is full of nonsense hahaha), so while I miss what we had a few weeks back and the collection of memories that I'd like to frame up forever, life has to go on. I'm glad that things are still moving along in fresh ways.

We take stock, cherish what we have gone through, and with all that we've learnt and experienced so far in hand, the future isn't that daunting.

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray
To be only yours
I know now
You're my only hope

Renew in me a belief in the power of prayer; I've been praying without actually believing that everything I pray for will come true. Mere hope is not faith.

Would you lie with me and
just forget the world?

5 hours of sitting in an lt, writing on slips of paper and not being allowed to talk to people was quite the torture.

Haha some things are now quite interesting that they're in a new light.

And zzz I just lost my entire train of thought when a huge spider with white stripes crawled across my screen its eyes were on stalks and moving around for goodness sake, I hate spiders

I'm being very unproductive!

Is it selfish to want more? (I'm not talking about anything council related here)

These 2 years are indeed really short.

Arghhh my personality type infuriates me sometimes.

What a week this has been.

Tuesday was results, and really, to God be all the glory. Getting into council was a huge blessing and I'm really, really thankful for this opportunity. More on this later.

I was abit zoned out for the rest of the week, trying to do my PI which still isn't done, as well as the impending council camp. Thursday and friday, though both were napfa days, were enjoyable; had quite a good econs talk on thursday after school (at least the first speaker was good, the other one sounded like he was going to have a heart attack any minute) and then dinner! with classmates. Had a great time, we must have more dinners like these! Had fun bingeing on turkish ice cream on friday after frustratingly getting a bronze for napfa, and just spending time with friends.

Council camp was quite the shock after the past two days, and I have to say it has been one heck of an experience. I'm not allowed to divulge details, but suffice it to say that I think we're a rather special batch; we've got the drive and passion for great things, now we have to materalize our dreams into reality. We will stand or fall together as 28ths, as one batch. Time will tell which.

The whistle is (still) endlessly annoying. I bet some joker will still be doing it tomorrow.

Looking forward to heading back to class tomorrow haha.

Whatever the outcome tomorrow, I'm going to give thanks to the Lord anyway for He has been so, so amazing during this period, and I'm going to trust in His plan for me. Whatever the outcome.

Thank you everyone who voted for me, all of you are much appreciated (:

I stand here before You
In wide open wonder
Amazed
At the glory of You

Church today was immensely refreshing; to be able to bask in God's presence again after the longest time -- I've been missing this for far, far too long. Amazing, amazing.

Gained back a new clarity of perspective, and the new week looks like as good a time as any to put it to use.

Whatever the result of voting (or whatever happens tomorrow during voting), I'm leaving it in God's hands. I'm really grateful for everything He's given already; the support has been encouraging to no end. May Your will be done, Your purpose revealed.

Revealing Your purpose in me

Glad that God pulled me through the whole of today (:
Just two days left! And the last piece of work to be completed tonight too, must finish by 1am! Then I can go sleep ohhh glorious sleep.

Council campaigning's been an eye-opener in many ways; spent a few hours just talking with Kartik about everything and anything, and I'm very thankful that I've got friends like these that surprise me all the time (:

Finding the right words to say, but they've been coming out all wrong recently. It's time to make a start tomorrow.

Let this banner and the proliferation thereof take over the world.

Okay maybe not anything as dramatic as that, but friends spread pls (:

(kudos to audrey!)





































:D


(edit: okay things are in full swing and getting faster! tmr's house speeches plus canteen rally plus filming of video cos the councillors lost our video >:(!!! gotta have faith that God'll pull me through. it's going to be tough!

On a much brighter note, THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORT x)

/edit)

Play! (the band j1 concert) last night was a much much needed break from everything. I really enjoyed myself; music was great (beauty and the beast theme! my favourite disney song), the actual play itself was impressively put together (Jiawei for the script that was him all over haha, and Jiayun for the clever directing despite all the constraints - it was good!) And Jiayun's flute playing is (there's no other word to describe this --) beautiful. Whoa. (I'd like to hear Jiawei playing jazz!) We even saw Sibu again, haha I think that place'll be forever engraved in a corner of my heart.

The after concert high is something that I miss, I think almost nothing beats that euphoria. There's something magical about music, something I don't want to let slip away from my life -- haha like my piano teacher suggested maybe I really shd go play in hotels.

Before I say anything else about campaign I'd like to thank A01A and all my friends for being such an awesome bunch (: I really really appreciate the help you guys are giving; even if this doesn't pull through, I can't express my gratitude enough. (Especially Audrey! You've been amazing (= Zhihao too! for the advice thats really helped alot, alot.) Next week is it! Time to execute.




(EDIT: In the chaos of this one week I think I've lost touch with whats really important. I need to start finding and enjoying times of solitude which have been all too fleeting this week. To reflect, think, and just bask in the feeling of, well, being. I need to pray more. much much more. Lord You have been taking me through every step of the way, help me to just put everything at Your feet and to depend entirely on You because I know that my strength is not enough.

I'm sorry for the disjointed nature of this post I'm stealing time off to pen these thoughts down. And before I forget, good luck to everyone who's campaigning, we share a collective lack of sleep and way too much stress ><

Cheers!)

Campaigning's going to start in full swing soon and the preparation is already killing me.

Leaning on the Lord's strength to pull me through, whatever the outcome at least I can say: what an experience it has been/is going to be. Getting to this point has already been a huge blessing.

-Cue shameless self-publicisation-

Vote for T_T! (Tze Ern and Tian Kai hahahahhaa)

Wow 250th post. Good that it's going to be a lot more cheerful then ^_^

Somehow nature has a way of settling me down and helping me think through whats been going on. The last time I saw so many stars was in Sibu, and its no coincidence that there and then was the last time I felt so content.

I've been reacting and not thinking, which is something I have to learn to stop. Time isn't exactly slipping out of my hands now, so yes we live and learn. Although I don't agree with most of the stuff I posted just yesterday and the day before, I think it's instructive to leave it there, as a reminder to myself.

Gotta have a little more faith.

About the posts earlier, I'm just thinking aloud here; don't take everything I write that seriously. Especially the um more figurative language.

A conversation I'm having with someone now has got me thinking about whether I really know what my friends are like. Oh, the 'girlfriend element' certainly changes people...

The illogicality and irrationality of this strikes me; reminds me of the Houyhnhnms, and how man cannot solely be governed by pure rationality, because we are inherently emotional creatures. Apparently I learnt more from Gulliver's than I thought.

Hmmmm I wonder. The general idea seems to be working fine for now.

Ahh in any case, there's no point to all this thinking. The clock still turns!

Imagine theres a proverbial brick wall that I'm just bashing myself upon, and I can't see whats on the other side.

Where do we go from here? I'm really not sure, and I don't know what to think. Am feeling ambivalent about the future.

Futsal at tampines was quite fun. 5 goals for a defender, even though I bet mr lu was rather irritated with me for being extremely lazy.

Harsh Realities.

If not for the fact that the pendant was found, this post may have degenerated into an indulgence of self-condemnation. Thank God it was found, thank God.

Compared to the enjoyable mayhem that was yesterday, today was (due to the above) much more subdued. I really was nowhere near myself today, sorry. And when I'm in a mood like this, I seem to inexorably gravitate to conversations that are a great deal more gloomy than I'd like. But on the bright side I've realized alot about the way our class works, and the actual realities as opposed to the defensive self-depracation we employ. Reality hunkers in like an overgrown tramp in a small room.

Hah, what an irony. Just as well, I think I needed a huge wake up call and this is it; there's really not much time left, and in order to reach the standards set by others (and I honestly honestly believe this) in clarity, lucidity, vocabulary and style and in short everything I'm going to need for the A's I need to start working and improving now. This disillusionment better count for something because I'm most definitely not up to scratch.

The reversal of fortunes is complete: now we are the ones feeling intimidated. These barriers must be cast down, or we will never truly learn from each other. Let's see how it goes from here;






My disillusionment today runs on another level as well, but that's a long story for a place that is not a public blog. Am feeling utterly confused and more than a little lost.

A big big BIG thank you to everyone who has made my birthday this year such a blast!



In absolutely no particular order:



09A01A for the delicious cake (of which I ate 4 pieces of ahh I'm turning fat.) and surprise yesterday and the song today (where they made me hold the lighted candles and just sang; whose bright idea was this!?) plus the fantastic but nonetheless horribly-drawn card (kartik!!)



My cousins and sister for designing and framing up a fantastic looking board with photos and notes; a hugely unexpected surprise



Merrill and Slau for the shockingly expensive nike ManU shirt that they gave me (thanks alot alot alot!)


Tabbi and Nicole for the red nike shoebag that is lightyears better than my current one

BW06 for the small blackforest cake from breadtalk and birthday song before assembly

4p'07! What can I say? The insanely rich chocolate mousse, the stuffing of my face (T_T) into said chocolate mousse, the crazily designed board with random scribblings and messages from the class (super havoc hahaha reminds me of last year ^^) and the birthday song that literally echoed around the canteen; really miss you guys! 4P is and will remain the best class I could ever ask for in RI. You guys rock =D

And lastly everyone who remembered (or did not remember but still found out) and wished me ^^


Its the first time in a long long while that I've had a birthday fall during the school term, and everyone has made it one to cherish and remember. I think I have the awesomest friends. (:

Cheers, you guys made my week!

I'll be glad when this is over with, I'm sick, struggling with the essay (my lit is really a lot worse than I expected) and abit...hmm I dunno how to put it. Disaffected and not at the same time. Ahh will this feeling go away.

On a happier note, my cousins gave me a very very nice birthday board (like a card, only bigger) that was framed up. Oh, with balloons too ^^
Thanks very very much (:

Let me quickly post something before I nod off. Back from camp (which ended early YESS). We didn't do much other than train, all the matches (except for a sad 25 minutes -_-) were played by the competition squad so...futsal during training made up a little for it though. Ahwell.

Am really very worried for chengwen, hope that he's 100% alright >< If not I don't know how I'm going to live with the guilt. Damn

After slogging for more than a year, to not get into the team is cruel, plain and simple. You deserved it more than some who did. GN, I'm really really sorry. =/

Headed down to ECP with the class today, cycled (for a while at least) and taught jiayun and austin how to cycle; both learnt quite well hahaha job well done. Austin didn't have too much difficulty after learning how to pedal off, but jiayun on the other hand had uhh certain encounters with dustbins, trees, lampposts, some poor kid, and on two memorable occasions a rubbish cart. But aiya you learnt well la!

Lunched at subway (again! whats with 1A and subway I have no idea) then was kinda forced by the gloomy weather out of ECP and so we headed to dhoby ostensibly to watch a movie but ended up pooling instead. Was fun! Even though she'd never played before (or shock! horror! set foot in a place like paradiz ever) jiayun and I still managed to play henry and shinyi to a 2-3 loss.

(Whoa honestly jiayun you learn fast. Although the less said about your aiming in pool and your turning while biking the better... -_-)

Hahaha okay I will stop poking fun already. Followed the guys to Thai Xpress, then left them there to meet jeremy and the twins at orchard to celebrate our joint birthdays. Thank you for the shoebag! :D Dinner didn't last very long cause they had to rush back home due to extreme parental anger, ahh ohwell hopefully we'll have a next time.

Had a long ride home with jeremy, talked abt quite a lot of stuff, rj and vj soccer in particular. Ahhh wish he could've stayed in rj. Our parting words were 'eh okay see you...uh....soon la!' I hope soon isnt that far off T_T

Soccer camp tmr! I just finished my packing list, shd start packing in a bit.

I HOPE I STAY UNINJURED AND WELL THROUGHOUT CAMP.

MAY I BE ABLE TO PLAY.

I'm slightly incoherent now but just needed to pen down today before the chaos that is camp.

You abridge my words; cause me to stumble
Hopelessly, praying a slight brush of speech
Will tell you the moon and the stars.

I promise a much more detailed entry soon. Enjoying the feeling of having (pretending) nothing to do. A level results were released yesterday, went down with the class to help out (while actually doing nothing in particular there). Was supposed to head down at 930 but uhhh I overslept T_T The alarm clock's ringing doesn't register anymore.

Headed down to town with the class in the evening after that, somehow even if we don't do much in particular the time spent with everyone is still enjoyable. Didn't know you could see stars in orchard! :O

I'm really really thankful that our class is staying together, that we'll still remain 09A01A even with the release of humanities scholarships. Yesterday I felt like a great deal was off my mind not because of the scholarship, but because we won't be forced to split up; I felt happy last night, that God really answered all my prayers, spoken and unspoken hopes and fears. There's really so much to be thankful for. But talking it out just now made the reality that some people didn't get the scholarship so much more apparent and real. I'm feeling very bad for those who didn't get it now, especially brian because I think he deserves it more than anyone else. I'd give up my scholarship for him, to tell the truth. The scholarship doesn't mean as much because to me the class and the programme have been my priorities, not the money. But the disappointment I saw was heartwrenching. It's not fair, honestly.

Blogging at Zhengxuan's house now while the rest of the guys're playing halo and waiting for the Champs league matches to start. Just came from supper after watching "Black Comedies and Light Tragedies". The first two plays were alright, while I was really impressed with the suspense evoked in the play after the intermission. Great physical theatre, although my opinion admittedly doesn't hold that much weight.

I couldn't say the words I wanted to say, and in the end all that came out was words that meant nothing. Is this how things are meant to remain? Aberrations...?

Sibu

Class camp was an amazing, amazing experience.

I think I'll actually do a photopost when Jiayun and Grace've uploaded their photos (thanks both of you!), looking forward to seeing them (!!!)

I'll talk about the rest of the days when I get the photos, but I have to say the last night was one of the most magical nights of my entire life. The jetty where I just felt this huge sense of belonging, the talking and sharing with the class illuminated by the autumnal orange glow of the lamps, watching the ocean blend with the horizon and the sky into a pitch-black void that was simply amazing to behold. Later, lying together on the beach, singing, sharing, talking, laughing; lying on our backs and watching the stars slowly wink into existence, wondering whether the stars were really still there or whether we were just watching their dying embers from eons ago, watching the ocean waves and listening to the surf crash onto the beach, enjoying the poignant silences punctured by the rustling of the wind through the tree branches and falling asleep by the shore. (and later waking up shivering with cold cause I didn't wear long pants. thanks for the jacket, my legs would've frozen if not for it [: ) and later watching the clouds get brighter (it really wasn't a sunrise, unfortunately) until it was time to go.

I wish I could've captured that moment and preserved it for eternity, to make that single moment last forever and ever. I felt really, really happy that whole night. Maybe if I put it into verse I'll be able to do so, but I doubt my poetry is any good. Words couldn't really do it justice. At the end of it there's this sense of loss that the moment's gone, it can't be recreated anymore no matter how hard I try, but what's left is the memories of it; memories that I hope will never fade. Maybe in this little post I can capture and remember what it felt like. Maybe I won't lose it. Nights like these really must come more often, but I guess what Jiayun said was right: its precisely because these moments are so fleeting and elusive that they are so precious.

I'll end on that. The rest of the camp was just as special, but this moment was really the defining moment for me. I wish things will stay as they are right now.

Hiatus' over. and I'm feeling alot more at peace with things now. I'm thankful for the wonderful promise that You've given, that things aren't over, not by a long shot. He's just gone for the moment;

A longer post up soon.

I don't know whether I can blog again, at least for the forseeable future.

Interview tmr.

-cue ominous music-

I'm really glad for my friends and my class, who've been so collectively awesome that I can just head to school no matter what my mood or mental state and always be cheered up :)

Take 5 was fantastic, had a lot of fun playing soccer (we got second hahaha wasted. Shoutout to EDIT(i'm very sorry i forgot): PAUL jerome hanlin wang qiaoer skoh tiankai andrea yanhan and sharon!) and walking around with friends, wish I had a little more time to spend with the class though, really wanted to just sit around, picnic, and talk. Looking forward to class camp though whoo.

Humanz party was quite fun, HAHA our great depression theme was hilarious, even though some people looked bemused at us and our insider jokes (vietnam quoc dan dang!) we're still awesome. Qianwei's mind works damn fast la all his nonsense (which were actually funny xD). Wish I could've stayed a lil longer though. Starting to enjoy being around the people in the class alot.

'The only business I can do nowadays is in the toilet'
-Qianwei, still in character.

Didn't go training today cause I've been sick for the past week and needed alot alot alot of rest (which I got today). Thanks for the concern everyone :)

Yikes. The reality that social dynamics really have changed has just hit me. I should be a little more conscious to avoid being in sticky situations like some people are now. T_T

Looking forward to Take 5 and having fun, then humanz party after that with happy times at kartik's house :) Hahaha the sentence sounds really weird but i like. Sorry I'm feeling kinda off kilter now haha.

ASAP I'm going to improve my passing and crossing. It's really really cmi now. I hope I recover for the match tomorrow.

The drive and determination is there, but if I am meant to pour it into something else then I actually feel at peace with it. I will not let my motivations change.

How self-absorbed we are, that we complain that 'LIFE DAMN TOUGH' at the slightest provocation or failure, that we lose sight of what really is important.

Lalala.

CNY so far has been okay. Nothing really out of this world. Except Mass Effect, of which I finally completed after 34 odd hours.

I'm abit more at peace now about the way things are, abit more attuned. I'll probably look back upon this period a few weeks/months from now and think of how much better things were, but that's just life haha. Or maybe I won't. Depends.

Got lots of exciting stuff to look forward to in the next few weeks! Take 5, Malaysia trip with A01A (should be bundles of fun), etc. I hope my ankle and my throat clear up and get better.

Should stop saying 'I want', and stop making arrogant judgements.

Lord, not my will but Yours. Amen.

On a separate note,

09A01A YOU ARE AWESOME :D

I've been meaning to say this for some time.

Life's h-h-heating up but I'm slowing down.

Adventure leadership thingy on 13th Feb which I signed up for on a whim. Wonder if I can actually commit to it, have to take another look at the dates. It seems really really interesting though.

Council nominees out today. Inexorably, the train starts to move.

On another note, my bag is ubiquitous. Yes, I know what the word means ^^

As a mark of how remarkably inefficient (or lazy, if you will) I am, today marks the first time I've actually looked at my graduation night photos!

Brings back alot of happy memories, and of the experiences that I had in RI that I will carry to my dying day. If RJ as anywhere near as awesome an experience, I'll take it.

Have been using the weekend primarily as an extended sleeping session, other than a brief sojourn to YGH, which might have been better used. So I've been alternately doing essays, chatting to people and thinking. (not necessarily in that order) I don't want to get used to the monotony of school where I survive the day of lectures and tutorials, either head for training or head home to sleep and do work. MSN has become something of a luxury, scarily.

The past two weeks haven't been very uplifting. Alot of my own pretensions have been hopelessly jarred, and the nice pink cloud has dissipated, leaving behind...what? Self-introspection is something that I haven't been doing much since the start of this year. Maybe cause I don't want to know what I'll find. I need to stop being such an asshole. Wake up!

The dumb thing about posting when I'm in a bad mood is that my mood invariably gets better because I post, and that makes me want to take off my previous post, which kind of defeats the purpose of posting in the first place.

So what I'm trying to say is, I'm okay!

Face down in the dirt.

And it hurts.

I'm trying hard to have faith, to believe that everything happens for a reason, as part of a plan. I don't know what'll happen if I fail at this last, largest hurdle. Because apparently I've crashed headlong into the previous ones. I still bear the scars.

Smile for others when you can't smile for yourself.

Everything is in full swing now, but I get the express feeling that I'm somehow out of the loop. Not because I'm behind in tutorials or whatever (surprisingly), but this period feels discomfortingly uncertain. I'd like to be able to settle into my JC life as soon as possible, but until the interviews come and go I don't think I'll have that luxury.

Humanities scholarship interview on Monday. I'd tell myself that it's better to be early and get it over with quickly but I don't think unpreparedness is a trade-off I'm particularly happy with. I was supposed to be reading up on current affairs but bbc.co.uk provided a deluge of said news that sadly dampened all enthusiasm. I really stink at interviews. May all go well.

I'm glad that friends are going to be staying in soccer, even though floorball has called and council is calling. I wonder if I'll be able to get past the interview. See above for my thoughts on interviews. You will understand my lack of optimism.

P-------. How I hate it.

I think if I want to continue blogging a change of address will be contemplated.

But anyway.

The past week (it's exactly 7 days since we stepped into RJC!) has been the living definition of a whirlwind experience. I'll admit that I wasn't all that pumped up and excited like some people were about orientation and jc life in general, but I guess an open mind really goes a long, long way. Thank you BW06 for making my orientation experience so awesome. I love you guys! :D
A huge shoutout to our OGLs as well, especially Zhen Nan! who has been every inch the perfect OGL. Can't thank you enough. I really hope we can all stay in touch. We don't fall into conventions, we defy them.

I won't try putting everything into words, because I'd like to do everything enough justice but some things are indescribable. Watching T'sparanza burn has to be one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had. Time will tell whether the words of our batch song ring true, but I pray it does. I really, really do.

Pictures tell a thousand words.

But I have none, so I'll end off this post. Trials tomorrow, a cacophony of voices are ringing in my ear but I need to know which path I must take.

T_T

School starts tomorrow..