I've been blogging phwoar alot, but enough is enough I shall be over miserableness and start to live again. I mean, life is too beautiful for that. At least thats what I'll continue to believe and damned if everything seems to conspire to make me cynical but I won't I won't I won't.

I'M GETTING HALO 3 ON LAUNCH DAY YAY (:

Who's free on 25th Sept! Follow me down to Suntec and get the free goodie bag hahaha.


On another note,
United's season is finally back on track, but the grinding out of victories is worrying me :x When's the free flowing football of last season going to come back! SAF, think think think.

Apparently blogger says this is my 200th post.

When I'm With You - Simple Plan

I'm taking my time
I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

[Chorus:]
I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to
But everytime I call you don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine

You're nothing at all,
I know theres a million reasons why I shouldn't call
With nothing to say,
could easily make this conversation last all day

[Chorus]

Another lesson I didn't get to learn
Your my obsession
I've got nowhere to turn



I know that somewhere within all my blog posts lies the real me. But I have no bloody idea where. I don't know why I make the effort to be certain way. When does it actually make a difference, really?

There's an important distinction between solitude and loneliness.

Why is everyone drifting away?

whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself

Seems like no one's all there nowadays. We're all cracking in little ways, but its the little rifts that are irreparable. Thanks, huh.

I've been oversleeping WAY too much. And slacking. Damn.



Did some careers matchmaking thing awhile ago ( -_- ) and got these results.




1.
Social Worker

2.
Addictions Counselor

3.
Rehabilitation Counselor

4.
Recreation Therapist

5.
Lobbyist

6.
Politician

7.
Psychologist

8.
Sport Psychology Consultant

9.
Mediator

10.
Judge



11.

Actor



Interesting.

I'm feeling a little random today, so I shall talk abit about poetry.

Poetry needs soul. It needs emotion to drive it, whether its a cathartic listnessness, or full-blown angst, poetry without this is just words randomly thrown into a few lines. This was one of the chief reasons why watching poetry slam a few weeks back made me cringe. Alot.

How can someone presume to write a poem about loss and separation and make it work (phwoar without you), if they have no idea what it feels like? Sure, there's TV and songs, but as to the validity of the entertainment industry as a good teacher of emotion, I leave you to decide. Writing about things you simply don't know about; I'm sorry but it just doesn't work.

I used to detest poetry, but a good one is to be savoured.







Rediscovery is the keyword here. I'm holding out for meaning.

Okay I need to scare myself abit to force myself to start work.

Maths

• Matrices
• Circular Measure
• Trigonometry (bloody huge topic)
• Differentiation (and applications thereof which is something I still don't get)
• Integration
• Vectors (I almost forgot this)
• Probability (I need to learn this from scratch)
• Statistics (Ditto above)

And it doesn't help matters that I've forgotten the first 2 topics almost entirely. I say I have the next 4 days to finish all these. I say it is impossible, but my revision schedule (which I've just come up with on the spot) says I must. 23 days left I think.

Cue panic button.

Gone through Physics and Chem and Bio already, but each quite briefly, and I need to practice. I have no idea how I will accomplish everything on time. And here I am still playing GTA. -_-

How!

Conversation can make my day; I'm weird like that.

Talking with Ms Johnson today has given me a bit more focus and direction in order to get what I want to get. I know what my priorities are, but I wish I could just shunt the rest aside and leave them alone, alas it is not to be.

DMP this year, I conclude, consists alternatively of a lot of stoning during chinese and during free breaks. How I hate having to stay back for extra tests. At least tmr's the last one.

Anyway, thanks Jo, you brightened up my day ^^

It's been a long time since I actually posted anything of note, and I wouldn't blame any one of you if you stopped reading cause frankly there hasn't been anything interesting.

Theres so much inside me thats begging to be said but I don't know how to put it into words, or perhaps I'm scared about what these words will reveal. Not just to everyone, but to myself. Truth may be just a word.

Past few days have been a struggle mentally, and I haven't felt so inadequate for pretty damned long. I have no idea whose expectations I'm living up to, why I struggle, fight, why I spend many nights tossing and turning in bed unable to just fall asleep, and instead struggle with my thoughts and emotions, just to make me feel- I don't know. I don't know what it makes me feel, and maybe therein lies the problem because I can't name what I'm feeling, and I have no idea what I'm supposed or rather what I can do about it. So instead its left there and it saps away my energy, saps away my spirit until I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I while the time away trying to study but I can't, because my mind and soul's just not in it.

Maybe it's saying something that the time at which I'm happiest has been while dreaming. Some of my dreams are ridiculous but from others I attain a new degree of clarity, others reveal my innermost thoughts and desires that I don't dare confront. I don't know what to make of all of them but one thing's clear: it's my way of escape.

Hah. Ironic isn't it. I can tell others to face their problems but I keep going because of these forms of escape, watching movies, listening to music, reading books, playing games, these help me escape from reality; emotional fix maybe, yes even games I play them for story as much as gameplay. These help keep me sane, help me feel human.

I can't put my thoughts in order because I think there's been so much thats been kept in for so long that it's all threatening to spill out, every last one. I hate the incongruity of this.

There's so much to say.

I can say that I haven't been emo for a long time, but that may or may not be true. I wonder if anyone saw this whole post coming, cause certainly I didn't. Now I see the allure and dangers of being emo (though I detest this word). It helps I guess to think of your situation of being 'woe is me the whole world is against me ohno' because it gives you this prerogative of sorts, the mindset that somehow no one can help, that feeling of wallowing in misery and lying there stuck like a pig in mud. It's abit like 'fine since I'm feeling so damn miserable I'm going to act it and enjoy it'. Is this catharsis?

Purging of emotion.

Reply!

It's the little unexpected things that make my day (:

Glad I took my mum's advice and actually started praying about subject combis for RJ, cos now I think I'm quite clear about what I'm going to take, if its His will I'll get in. It's a load off my mind.

Haha kinda refocused myself abit today. Good.

Ratatouille is awwwesommeee. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed an animated movie by disney so much (simpsons doesnt count hehh). Disney's surprised me! The charm's thats been missing is coming back slowly, but old classics are unbeatableeeee haha.

Grabbed a foothold, but I don't know whether the path ahead of me is really there, or its just a figment of my imagination and the handhold on the wall's just too far to reach. But everything's okay! It's good haha. I need to watch movies more often cos it like an escape of the senses, to immerse myself in an experience and come out feeling better about life. Yay.

HELLO EVERYBODYYYY I've kinda given up on my tagboard to work so this is a v v v v v belated reply. argh.

Studying out is good for my concentration, but when I'm feeling v tired it takes a large toll on me and its quite tough to keep alert/awake T_T

Gosh slept from 10pm to 11am. There goes my whole morning argh, but its nice to get abit of my sleep time back.

Ratatouille tonight! Heard its really good.