Headed down to ECP with the class today, cycled (for a while at least) and taught jiayun and austin how to cycle; both learnt quite well hahaha job well done. Austin didn't have too much difficulty after learning how to pedal off, but jiayun on the other hand had uhh certain encounters with dustbins, trees, lampposts, some poor kid, and on two memorable occasions a rubbish cart. But aiya you learnt well la!

Lunched at subway (again! whats with 1A and subway I have no idea) then was kinda forced by the gloomy weather out of ECP and so we headed to dhoby ostensibly to watch a movie but ended up pooling instead. Was fun! Even though she'd never played before (or shock! horror! set foot in a place like paradiz ever) jiayun and I still managed to play henry and shinyi to a 2-3 loss.

(Whoa honestly jiayun you learn fast. Although the less said about your aiming in pool and your turning while biking the better... -_-)

Hahaha okay I will stop poking fun already. Followed the guys to Thai Xpress, then left them there to meet jeremy and the twins at orchard to celebrate our joint birthdays. Thank you for the shoebag! :D Dinner didn't last very long cause they had to rush back home due to extreme parental anger, ahh ohwell hopefully we'll have a next time.

Had a long ride home with jeremy, talked abt quite a lot of stuff, rj and vj soccer in particular. Ahhh wish he could've stayed in rj. Our parting words were 'eh okay see you...uh....soon la!' I hope soon isnt that far off T_T

Soccer camp tmr! I just finished my packing list, shd start packing in a bit.

I HOPE I STAY UNINJURED AND WELL THROUGHOUT CAMP.

MAY I BE ABLE TO PLAY.

I'm slightly incoherent now but just needed to pen down today before the chaos that is camp.

You abridge my words; cause me to stumble
Hopelessly, praying a slight brush of speech
Will tell you the moon and the stars.

I promise a much more detailed entry soon. Enjoying the feeling of having (pretending) nothing to do. A level results were released yesterday, went down with the class to help out (while actually doing nothing in particular there). Was supposed to head down at 930 but uhhh I overslept T_T The alarm clock's ringing doesn't register anymore.

Headed down to town with the class in the evening after that, somehow even if we don't do much in particular the time spent with everyone is still enjoyable. Didn't know you could see stars in orchard! :O

I'm really really thankful that our class is staying together, that we'll still remain 09A01A even with the release of humanities scholarships. Yesterday I felt like a great deal was off my mind not because of the scholarship, but because we won't be forced to split up; I felt happy last night, that God really answered all my prayers, spoken and unspoken hopes and fears. There's really so much to be thankful for. But talking it out just now made the reality that some people didn't get the scholarship so much more apparent and real. I'm feeling very bad for those who didn't get it now, especially brian because I think he deserves it more than anyone else. I'd give up my scholarship for him, to tell the truth. The scholarship doesn't mean as much because to me the class and the programme have been my priorities, not the money. But the disappointment I saw was heartwrenching. It's not fair, honestly.

Blogging at Zhengxuan's house now while the rest of the guys're playing halo and waiting for the Champs league matches to start. Just came from supper after watching "Black Comedies and Light Tragedies". The first two plays were alright, while I was really impressed with the suspense evoked in the play after the intermission. Great physical theatre, although my opinion admittedly doesn't hold that much weight.

I couldn't say the words I wanted to say, and in the end all that came out was words that meant nothing. Is this how things are meant to remain? Aberrations...?

Sibu

Class camp was an amazing, amazing experience.

I think I'll actually do a photopost when Jiayun and Grace've uploaded their photos (thanks both of you!), looking forward to seeing them (!!!)

I'll talk about the rest of the days when I get the photos, but I have to say the last night was one of the most magical nights of my entire life. The jetty where I just felt this huge sense of belonging, the talking and sharing with the class illuminated by the autumnal orange glow of the lamps, watching the ocean blend with the horizon and the sky into a pitch-black void that was simply amazing to behold. Later, lying together on the beach, singing, sharing, talking, laughing; lying on our backs and watching the stars slowly wink into existence, wondering whether the stars were really still there or whether we were just watching their dying embers from eons ago, watching the ocean waves and listening to the surf crash onto the beach, enjoying the poignant silences punctured by the rustling of the wind through the tree branches and falling asleep by the shore. (and later waking up shivering with cold cause I didn't wear long pants. thanks for the jacket, my legs would've frozen if not for it [: ) and later watching the clouds get brighter (it really wasn't a sunrise, unfortunately) until it was time to go.

I wish I could've captured that moment and preserved it for eternity, to make that single moment last forever and ever. I felt really, really happy that whole night. Maybe if I put it into verse I'll be able to do so, but I doubt my poetry is any good. Words couldn't really do it justice. At the end of it there's this sense of loss that the moment's gone, it can't be recreated anymore no matter how hard I try, but what's left is the memories of it; memories that I hope will never fade. Maybe in this little post I can capture and remember what it felt like. Maybe I won't lose it. Nights like these really must come more often, but I guess what Jiayun said was right: its precisely because these moments are so fleeting and elusive that they are so precious.

I'll end on that. The rest of the camp was just as special, but this moment was really the defining moment for me. I wish things will stay as they are right now.

Hiatus' over. and I'm feeling alot more at peace with things now. I'm thankful for the wonderful promise that You've given, that things aren't over, not by a long shot. He's just gone for the moment;

A longer post up soon.

I don't know whether I can blog again, at least for the forseeable future.

Interview tmr.

-cue ominous music-

I'm really glad for my friends and my class, who've been so collectively awesome that I can just head to school no matter what my mood or mental state and always be cheered up :)

Take 5 was fantastic, had a lot of fun playing soccer (we got second hahaha wasted. Shoutout to EDIT(i'm very sorry i forgot): PAUL jerome hanlin wang qiaoer skoh tiankai andrea yanhan and sharon!) and walking around with friends, wish I had a little more time to spend with the class though, really wanted to just sit around, picnic, and talk. Looking forward to class camp though whoo.

Humanz party was quite fun, HAHA our great depression theme was hilarious, even though some people looked bemused at us and our insider jokes (vietnam quoc dan dang!) we're still awesome. Qianwei's mind works damn fast la all his nonsense (which were actually funny xD). Wish I could've stayed a lil longer though. Starting to enjoy being around the people in the class alot.

'The only business I can do nowadays is in the toilet'
-Qianwei, still in character.

Didn't go training today cause I've been sick for the past week and needed alot alot alot of rest (which I got today). Thanks for the concern everyone :)

Yikes. The reality that social dynamics really have changed has just hit me. I should be a little more conscious to avoid being in sticky situations like some people are now. T_T

Looking forward to Take 5 and having fun, then humanz party after that with happy times at kartik's house :) Hahaha the sentence sounds really weird but i like. Sorry I'm feeling kinda off kilter now haha.

ASAP I'm going to improve my passing and crossing. It's really really cmi now. I hope I recover for the match tomorrow.

The drive and determination is there, but if I am meant to pour it into something else then I actually feel at peace with it. I will not let my motivations change.

How self-absorbed we are, that we complain that 'LIFE DAMN TOUGH' at the slightest provocation or failure, that we lose sight of what really is important.

Lalala.

CNY so far has been okay. Nothing really out of this world. Except Mass Effect, of which I finally completed after 34 odd hours.

I'm abit more at peace now about the way things are, abit more attuned. I'll probably look back upon this period a few weeks/months from now and think of how much better things were, but that's just life haha. Or maybe I won't. Depends.

Got lots of exciting stuff to look forward to in the next few weeks! Take 5, Malaysia trip with A01A (should be bundles of fun), etc. I hope my ankle and my throat clear up and get better.

Should stop saying 'I want', and stop making arrogant judgements.

Lord, not my will but Yours. Amen.

On a separate note,

09A01A YOU ARE AWESOME :D

I've been meaning to say this for some time.

Life's h-h-heating up but I'm slowing down.

Adventure leadership thingy on 13th Feb which I signed up for on a whim. Wonder if I can actually commit to it, have to take another look at the dates. It seems really really interesting though.

Council nominees out today. Inexorably, the train starts to move.

On another note, my bag is ubiquitous. Yes, I know what the word means ^^

As a mark of how remarkably inefficient (or lazy, if you will) I am, today marks the first time I've actually looked at my graduation night photos!

Brings back alot of happy memories, and of the experiences that I had in RI that I will carry to my dying day. If RJ as anywhere near as awesome an experience, I'll take it.

Have been using the weekend primarily as an extended sleeping session, other than a brief sojourn to YGH, which might have been better used. So I've been alternately doing essays, chatting to people and thinking. (not necessarily in that order) I don't want to get used to the monotony of school where I survive the day of lectures and tutorials, either head for training or head home to sleep and do work. MSN has become something of a luxury, scarily.

The past two weeks haven't been very uplifting. Alot of my own pretensions have been hopelessly jarred, and the nice pink cloud has dissipated, leaving behind...what? Self-introspection is something that I haven't been doing much since the start of this year. Maybe cause I don't want to know what I'll find. I need to stop being such an asshole. Wake up!

The dumb thing about posting when I'm in a bad mood is that my mood invariably gets better because I post, and that makes me want to take off my previous post, which kind of defeats the purpose of posting in the first place.

So what I'm trying to say is, I'm okay!

Face down in the dirt.

And it hurts.

I'm trying hard to have faith, to believe that everything happens for a reason, as part of a plan. I don't know what'll happen if I fail at this last, largest hurdle. Because apparently I've crashed headlong into the previous ones. I still bear the scars.

Smile for others when you can't smile for yourself.

Everything is in full swing now, but I get the express feeling that I'm somehow out of the loop. Not because I'm behind in tutorials or whatever (surprisingly), but this period feels discomfortingly uncertain. I'd like to be able to settle into my JC life as soon as possible, but until the interviews come and go I don't think I'll have that luxury.

Humanities scholarship interview on Monday. I'd tell myself that it's better to be early and get it over with quickly but I don't think unpreparedness is a trade-off I'm particularly happy with. I was supposed to be reading up on current affairs but bbc.co.uk provided a deluge of said news that sadly dampened all enthusiasm. I really stink at interviews. May all go well.

I'm glad that friends are going to be staying in soccer, even though floorball has called and council is calling. I wonder if I'll be able to get past the interview. See above for my thoughts on interviews. You will understand my lack of optimism.

P-------. How I hate it.

I think if I want to continue blogging a change of address will be contemplated.

But anyway.

The past week (it's exactly 7 days since we stepped into RJC!) has been the living definition of a whirlwind experience. I'll admit that I wasn't all that pumped up and excited like some people were about orientation and jc life in general, but I guess an open mind really goes a long, long way. Thank you BW06 for making my orientation experience so awesome. I love you guys! :D
A huge shoutout to our OGLs as well, especially Zhen Nan! who has been every inch the perfect OGL. Can't thank you enough. I really hope we can all stay in touch. We don't fall into conventions, we defy them.

I won't try putting everything into words, because I'd like to do everything enough justice but some things are indescribable. Watching T'sparanza burn has to be one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had. Time will tell whether the words of our batch song ring true, but I pray it does. I really, really do.

Pictures tell a thousand words.

But I have none, so I'll end off this post. Trials tomorrow, a cacophony of voices are ringing in my ear but I need to know which path I must take.

T_T

School starts tomorrow..