I've been oversleeping WAY too much. And slacking. Damn.



Did some careers matchmaking thing awhile ago ( -_- ) and got these results.




1.
Social Worker

2.
Addictions Counselor

3.
Rehabilitation Counselor

4.
Recreation Therapist

5.
Lobbyist

6.
Politician

7.
Psychologist

8.
Sport Psychology Consultant

9.
Mediator

10.
Judge



11.

Actor



Interesting.

I'm feeling a little random today, so I shall talk abit about poetry.

Poetry needs soul. It needs emotion to drive it, whether its a cathartic listnessness, or full-blown angst, poetry without this is just words randomly thrown into a few lines. This was one of the chief reasons why watching poetry slam a few weeks back made me cringe. Alot.

How can someone presume to write a poem about loss and separation and make it work (phwoar without you), if they have no idea what it feels like? Sure, there's TV and songs, but as to the validity of the entertainment industry as a good teacher of emotion, I leave you to decide. Writing about things you simply don't know about; I'm sorry but it just doesn't work.

I used to detest poetry, but a good one is to be savoured.







Rediscovery is the keyword here. I'm holding out for meaning.

Okay I need to scare myself abit to force myself to start work.

Maths

• Matrices
• Circular Measure
• Trigonometry (bloody huge topic)
• Differentiation (and applications thereof which is something I still don't get)
• Integration
• Vectors (I almost forgot this)
• Probability (I need to learn this from scratch)
• Statistics (Ditto above)

And it doesn't help matters that I've forgotten the first 2 topics almost entirely. I say I have the next 4 days to finish all these. I say it is impossible, but my revision schedule (which I've just come up with on the spot) says I must. 23 days left I think.

Cue panic button.

Gone through Physics and Chem and Bio already, but each quite briefly, and I need to practice. I have no idea how I will accomplish everything on time. And here I am still playing GTA. -_-

How!

Conversation can make my day; I'm weird like that.

Talking with Ms Johnson today has given me a bit more focus and direction in order to get what I want to get. I know what my priorities are, but I wish I could just shunt the rest aside and leave them alone, alas it is not to be.

DMP this year, I conclude, consists alternatively of a lot of stoning during chinese and during free breaks. How I hate having to stay back for extra tests. At least tmr's the last one.

Anyway, thanks Jo, you brightened up my day ^^

It's been a long time since I actually posted anything of note, and I wouldn't blame any one of you if you stopped reading cause frankly there hasn't been anything interesting.

Theres so much inside me thats begging to be said but I don't know how to put it into words, or perhaps I'm scared about what these words will reveal. Not just to everyone, but to myself. Truth may be just a word.

Past few days have been a struggle mentally, and I haven't felt so inadequate for pretty damned long. I have no idea whose expectations I'm living up to, why I struggle, fight, why I spend many nights tossing and turning in bed unable to just fall asleep, and instead struggle with my thoughts and emotions, just to make me feel- I don't know. I don't know what it makes me feel, and maybe therein lies the problem because I can't name what I'm feeling, and I have no idea what I'm supposed or rather what I can do about it. So instead its left there and it saps away my energy, saps away my spirit until I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I while the time away trying to study but I can't, because my mind and soul's just not in it.

Maybe it's saying something that the time at which I'm happiest has been while dreaming. Some of my dreams are ridiculous but from others I attain a new degree of clarity, others reveal my innermost thoughts and desires that I don't dare confront. I don't know what to make of all of them but one thing's clear: it's my way of escape.

Hah. Ironic isn't it. I can tell others to face their problems but I keep going because of these forms of escape, watching movies, listening to music, reading books, playing games, these help me escape from reality; emotional fix maybe, yes even games I play them for story as much as gameplay. These help keep me sane, help me feel human.

I can't put my thoughts in order because I think there's been so much thats been kept in for so long that it's all threatening to spill out, every last one. I hate the incongruity of this.

There's so much to say.

I can say that I haven't been emo for a long time, but that may or may not be true. I wonder if anyone saw this whole post coming, cause certainly I didn't. Now I see the allure and dangers of being emo (though I detest this word). It helps I guess to think of your situation of being 'woe is me the whole world is against me ohno' because it gives you this prerogative of sorts, the mindset that somehow no one can help, that feeling of wallowing in misery and lying there stuck like a pig in mud. It's abit like 'fine since I'm feeling so damn miserable I'm going to act it and enjoy it'. Is this catharsis?

Purging of emotion.

Reply!

It's the little unexpected things that make my day (:

Glad I took my mum's advice and actually started praying about subject combis for RJ, cos now I think I'm quite clear about what I'm going to take, if its His will I'll get in. It's a load off my mind.

Haha kinda refocused myself abit today. Good.

Ratatouille is awwwesommeee. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed an animated movie by disney so much (simpsons doesnt count hehh). Disney's surprised me! The charm's thats been missing is coming back slowly, but old classics are unbeatableeeee haha.

Grabbed a foothold, but I don't know whether the path ahead of me is really there, or its just a figment of my imagination and the handhold on the wall's just too far to reach. But everything's okay! It's good haha. I need to watch movies more often cos it like an escape of the senses, to immerse myself in an experience and come out feeling better about life. Yay.

HELLO EVERYBODYYYY I've kinda given up on my tagboard to work so this is a v v v v v belated reply. argh.

Studying out is good for my concentration, but when I'm feeling v tired it takes a large toll on me and its quite tough to keep alert/awake T_T

Gosh slept from 10pm to 11am. There goes my whole morning argh, but its nice to get abit of my sleep time back.

Ratatouille tonight! Heard its really good.

We are the Champions!

BAYLEY HOUSE CHAMPIONSHIP WINNERS '07 :DD

This is it, our batch. This is the legacy we leave.

All the hours put in, every single one worth it.

Lionhearts!

I'm a happy boy (:

First win of the season! Finally. Nani's goal was fantastic, Tevez still hasn't proven himself. Defending was shambolic, v v v v lucky.

AND found my zuowen book happyhappy

I am unbelievably depressed.

I was in a pretty good mood this afternoon. Music that I loved t0 listen to last year was playing through my speakers and it felt surprisingly nice to listen to it again, and the memories that it brought up.

Then I watched the Manchester derby.

&%$#%@#$*&@%

Life in RI really stinks when it comes to exams.

Screwed up math paper today, and I'm feeling pretty damn disappointed. The galling thing is that I never know whether I'm part of the majority who did badly after the test or part of the very same minority, because there are always people who screw up, and there are always the few people who score obscenely well. So I never have any idea where I stand, which is especially frustrating because I can't tell whether I screwed up because the paper really was that difficult (which I think it was) or because I just suck. And it really stinks when people start shouting answers after exams and I know its natural and no one can help it myself included but when all the answers sound totally foreign to me and I'm just counting mark by mark that I hope I got correct so that I can get that pass, which in any case may not happen.

I know I need more practice but its hard to find time to do so without sacrificing the time I spend not doing work that keeps me sane. Damnit the stress is going to my head and I'm tethering on a thread and there's still chem cct tmr which I havent studied for because I spent the time on math instead and now I think I might as well not have.

Life really really really stinks right now. I need something to be happy about.

It ends tonight.

Mark my words

Somehow I'm blogging like a madman today. Guess it's cause I've got the time hmm.

Heard the song which goes 'hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over' and it reminds me of p4/5, where I went with my family to New Zealand I think. When I look back now on it I think I was so happy and carefree back then. Love that place to bits, really. And somehow today seems to lack the colour of that past. Can I recreate it?

Hahaha just had to post a bit about the dream I had in those 15 hours. Was like some super surreal and weird dream, involved a quest of some sort with boss battles and stealth sections where we ended up in this palace/mansion thing on a flying carpet and long inane sections of character development (it's true) and then there was this stupendous plot twist where somehow woochiao (DON'T ASK ME WHY) turned out to be the betrayer and we all got caught by palace guards(?) and then random (more random I mean) stuff started happening. For some reason I could actually use my handphone during the dream. I had 2 missed calls and 1 new message. I found this out when the world started to flood and I had to swim to a hut to leave it with this huge giantess. It was a very odd dream. I should avoid sleeping so long next time.

When I'm home all day, I realize I tend to start thinking about alot of things, which in turn makes me not want to do work. Must stay focused.

Gosh. I win.

Came home at 530 yesterday, decided to take a nap at 6, slept through my wake-up alarm at 7 and woke up at 9 the next day. Thats 15 solid hours of sleep (!!!)

Off to do work for the whole of today. Ditto for tomorrow.

Stale blog yay!

Okay haven't been getting round to posting (its alr been more than one week wow) cos I've alternatively been busy and playing

GAMEBOYADVANCE on my phone xDD

Just like that, my life is gone.

OKAY anyway had alot of stuff for the past week or so, crosscountry and things, but I can't really remember anything interesting to talk about so there.

I'd post alot more often if I had the incentive to do so, tags would be nice! Heheh. Shameless soliciting. Okay woochiao I'll post sth more interesting tmr, I uh promise. x)

National Day holidays coming up! Which means time to chiong through homework/projects/mugging, which = no life. Sec 4 really is the pits when it comes to work.

Something's been on my mind, which has caused no small amount of conflict. Am I really being selfish by doing so? I know very well that without motivation I'm just going through the motions, so, what, do I motivate myself (highly unlikely and nigh impossible) or just save myself and everyone a bit of time and effort. Forcing myself to do something I don't want to do seems to be on the palette, but I'd rather settle for something else.

We learn from the laughter, the sorrow, and the tears.

Some things aren't better left unsaid.

I push it off over and over again; this won't do.

Life is good!

Still feeling kinda high from saturday, so nothing has been able to get me down today. Not even people's flaming of bayley and our play and trying to get us disqualified and whatnot because I know we've done our part and I'm very very happy with what we've achieved.

Had to take Chem test on electrolysis today despite not being prepared. Next time I should really check the timetable before assuming a test is on a certain day -_- At least I still could remember everything and I think I did decently. Same for magnetism. Smoking through ftw.

Math integration tmr! I'm not very confident for it =/ Oh well! Once its over I can take a nice break for a day at least. I'm itching to go play with the new tv =DD High-def gaming is unbeatable, really. The price for the TV, I realized, is extremely cheap. Yay for offers!

I hope my good mood continues, its nice to live life happy and contented, especially with people around me that never fail to make my day :)