Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park is my new favourite song (y) Not the most original or groundbreaking song, but I like it anyway so hah.

Watched Pirates yesterday! Too many characters, didn't play around at all with Jack's father (which is supposed to be a super opportunity to provide insight into Jack but noooo he gets 2 minutes of screen time), convoluted plot with too many betrayals that you don't feel any connection with any character-

-But of course, there's always Johnny Depp. (y)

Preview tickets are (y)

Blue dragon is an awesome gameeeeeee

Respect is difficult to earn, and easy to lose.

Keep that in mind.

I can't wait for the trip. Come on come on won't saturday evening come any sooner

!!!

New blogskin!

I've had time since finishing revision and english so here's a nice new blogskin :)

I distinctly remember promising one 6 months ago. I remembered!

Pics for taonan gathering next time I post! (Promise.)

Yep, we finally held our taonan gathering (which has been 3 years in the waiting), and although I didn't really know what to expect, we had fun (:

It's always nice to learn that there's something about the lot of us that makes us click, even though its been so long. Yay.

I think I surprised myself on Sunday night. Although it was kinda unexpected for me, I'm glad that one way or the other it's finally over. Thankyou! It's really nice to know that even though we haven't been in contact much we're still good friends (y) Talk more yes!

Didn't go to school today because I was totally whacked out yesterday. No energy whatsoever, but my 13 hour sleep has helped things :D Now to start mugging for SS proper. And finishing English. I shall finally do my 2 hour HCL exam tmr. Boo.




I pray that I'll learn to let myself go.
I can do this!

I didn't realize I needed it that much until I read it.

Thank you. You saved me.

THANK YOU BLOGGER the interface is finally fixed!

!!!

Auditions today were a non-event. As in, no one turned up. Oh joy.

I shall point to jorel's latest post on his blog because it's actually coherent and (dare I say it) one that didn't make me do this:

-facepalm-

Although this state didn't last very long for I started to talking to him on msn.





My frustration with certain things have enforced in me patience of a sort. The patience to wait until my obligations are over then I can have free rein to say whatever I want. My nerves are worn thin.

Whenever I'm feeling empty I know what's the reason, but I'm scared that I can't return, not because of anything else but because of my own failings. Sighh.

It's sometimes liberating to be vulnerable (NOT EMO ITS DIFFERENT).

Why is it that people laugh when others are honest about love? These same people experience the same feelings, but they laugh at others to make themselves feel better.

It's very nice to post random thoughts in random paragraphs randomly. Like, in a randomizer. Carvin-style.

Eh blogger admin if you see this can you please fix your create post page. Thankyouverymuch.

I wanted to post some long post but I'm too tired and inspiration just isn't forthcoming so I guess thats it for today. Toodles.

It's been a long weekend.

I'd rather not go through it again, cos I'm totally and completely drained.

It's been one bombshell after another.

And alot of revelations and truths I have been forced to confront.

I've been hit once too many times, and I think if things had gone on I would have just lost it. Not being melodramatic, but that's the way it is.

So I'm really thankful that one way or another some things have been resolved.

But I can't help feeling that more than one part of me has been lost in this whole period.

I'm scared I've lost -------

And I'm scared I can never regain it.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

Blogging is increasingly becoming a chore, because of the screwed up create post template. Grrrrrrrrrrr it looks like blogger stopped halfway while creating the page, leaving an infuriating mismash that reminds me of some of my primary school art pieces.

Math over today. Good. Bio to go. Time to stop slacking and start mugging again >_<

And I just received a piece of news that has ruined my mood. I don't want to perform for founder's day!!

Kao.

And it's on the day I'm leaving for Japan some more. Ladidum -_-

The guy writing the soccernet gamecasts deserves a medal. At least the guy in charge of the Arsenal vs Chelsea match. I actually prefer his written words than the in-match commentary from ESPN o.O

ITS DAMN FUNNY XD

'No Michael Ballack (injured), Didier Drogba (rested) or Ashley Cole (terrified)'
'Hey we might get another 20 man brawl. That would be ace!!'
'Bouhlarouz clatter into Fabregas and Arsenal have another free kick. Mr Mourinho is not amused.'
'Terry and Adebayor had a little tug at each other there. Naughty, naughty!'
'The camera has just panned to Thierry Henry watching the action rather forlornly from the touchline. He still looks cool though.'

I won't last till the end of the match (gotta go to sleep) but these tidbits have made my day hahahahaha.

Kudos!

Vassell: My Hero :)

Left school after chinese paper 1 today. Had a bloody awful headache, it wasn't throbbing anymore, it was just hurting >_< Did the last half an hour of my zuowen in a daze, randomly grabbing my head when it hurt too much. I must have looked quite a sight. Eventually decided not to take paper 2. I mean, it's damn sian to go retake on another day but better than doing it when I can't even think (or walk, for that matter) straight. So headed home, and slept.

It's really exam syndrome pls. The moment I have the prospect of an exam paper coming up I do everything except study woots. This time it was watching A Walk To Remember hahaha. Read the book in december last year, but haven't watched the movie. I think the book was better, but still the movie was (Y). Despite what critics may say, if the movie has achieved its intended effect, then I think it should be considered not bad right.

A Walk to Remember is still the only book/movie/story to really move me alot. Haha. Yeahh.

Only Hope is a v v v v v v v good song.

Win I'm going to die for chinese tmr yay!

Yay no school tmr! =DD

This is good news indeed, for if there was no 4 day weekend, yours truly will be panicking and in a very bad mood now.

Off to do math and chinese (and maybe a lil bit of bio cos the fact that I know nothing about kidneys makes me very worried indeed).

And maybe play abit. Heh.

Portfolio is finally done.

Thankfully Chem CCT is over. Been really going nuts over it the past few days. Note to self: I hate sulphides.

And the next few weeks get even worse. Oh joy.

At least I can go for PE now. Just can't run or play soccer. We better play tennis tmr. After not playing for almost a year I forgot just how fun it is =D

Adolescent years come kinda unexpectedly, well for me at least. I never thought that one day I'd be one of those people ranting and raving, going all angsty and stuff but yeah my blog readers will know that those days came thick and fast at the start of the year. Not that I don't feel angsty, or whatever you'd like to call it, anymore, but its just that I prefer to keep it off my blog. Somethings are better left unsaid yeah. Some things are too personal, too painful, to be in public.

Sometimes I wish that things were different. Once you get a taste of what true happiness is, nothing else can really compare. Call me a romantic, but I still long for those days.

I wonder why you seem so distant now. What happened? Once, I would have been lost, but now I've grown up a little.

Cryptic sentences are infuriating to readers, I know. I think that's the point, really. Oops xD

I need to study chem alot more.

It's just perfect that when I'm actually looking to practice there's nothing to practice on -.-

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TEN-YEAR SERIES THAT I BOUGHT!?

I'm very efficient when studying in church.

The only time I can sit still for 4 hours and not move and just study.

And can anyone show me their graphic organizer for portfolio? I need to edit ><

Quadrapop high score 195k :)) My turn to have the crazy high score xD

You loved me, when I was so unlovely.

You cleansed me with Your own blood.

When Your love for me is so real to behold.
I'm sorry.

Congrats to

Table Tennis
Gymnastics
Cross Country
RIGE

for bringing back golds for raffles this year! GwH for RIGE yeahh.

And x-country was featured in the papers lol.

I'll take all the help I can get now thankyouverymuch

keep holding on
cos you know we'll make it through
make it through
just stay strong
cos you know i'm here for you
here for you
theres nothing you could say
nothing you could do
theres no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on
cos you know we'll make it through
make it through

I lack inspiration to blog.

And I'm stuck at an impasse, and I don't know what to do.

Dramafeste heating up. CO starting again. Work intensifying.

I'm being put through the wringer.

I'm supposed to be sleeping now, but anyway.

Haha. Was rereading some of my old posts on my old blog.

I think my old posts were a lot funnier and interesting to read compared to now.

Too...serious right!

(Although there are the jorel posts. HAHA)

Heh. But I'm actually quite encouraged from the stuff I wrote last year. There was a period that I was on fire for God. I need to get back to that place.

The struggles of 2007 have been completely different from 2006.

Time for an introspective moment.

Goodnight.

I can't do this.

Things just get better and better, huh.

Practice starts again next week. What happened to that one month break we were promised! It's not even been 3 weeks yet lah. Whats the problem...

Great, but crazy day out.

Went to parkway, vivo and suntec in the space of 7 hours.

Whoa.

I'm amazed at some people's capacity to just shop.

Mark was great company. Haha I lost count of the number of things we poked fun at. XD

Amanda can testify to that.

=DD

Blithe Spirit

The play was good! Very different from doubt last year, and had a lot of laughs. And for once, a lit text/play that's easy to analyze!

On another note, the next few weeks are killer. Damnit.

Says it all, really.

Glory glory Man United..

=DD

And when you go

What am I left with?

Portfolio isn't so hopeless after all. I guess sitting down and really thinking and working does reap dividends.

Why does sec 4 seem like such a painful year for everyone?

Sometimes, I'm just lost for words.

Things could get better, but they could get worse too.

Help me trust.

In You.

Cause the alternatives always fail.

Nothing's going right today.

Things could get better.

Yeah.






I love the feel of your name on my lips

Finally, a break.

What a week. Very happy with the gold. At the same time, had a lot of issues to resolve.

Thank God it's over =)

I'm in no mental state to do the stupid book report.

I hate feeling like this.

Why

Yeahhhh

Gold!

SYF tmr.

What is meant to be, will be.

Thanks for all the wishes guys =)

What's the most important thing to you in your life now?

And what would you do if that thing was stolen away from you?

We all know how unpredictable life is. It may be smooth sailing for a time then the next moment you may be gasping for air, unable to keep afloat. Cliche, yeah, but we really don't know, do we?

So just what is your purpose in life?

Will it matter to you in 10, 15 years time?

Just think about it.

After the tragic tale of the two butteflies, I've decided to post something a little more optimistic =)

Haha its really sweet.





Look for the part where they reform hands.

All together with me now.

Aww.

100th post! :D

Saw something interesting on the way home in my dad's car. At the junction outside my house, we stopped by the traffic light, and I noticed two butterflies flying around each other very animatedly, and they flew onto the road, oblivious to their surroundings. So I pointed out:

'Eh! Two butterflies are performing some mating dance/ritual thingy'

'Oh thats so sweet!' -my sis.

Half a second later, a taxi shot past, impaling both butterflies. Yeah, impaling.

I didn't even have time to blink.

My sis tells me that she saw only one butterfly remaining.

Didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Or both.

I guess this means...um...

Er.

It means something, anyway.

Wow its the 99th post already.

My ankle isn't a pretty sight. Damnit.

I've been watching it throb O_O

The crack sound was worrying.

And it also means that I can't head down tonight. Zzz. Well at least I don't think anyone's staying overnight anymore..

I go to recharge tmr by not sleeping (:

Yayy.

Just wish I didn't have to go school again after that -_-

Just spent a lot of time listening to the new avril lavigne songs on youtube. It's really, really weird. I much prefer her old style of singing pls.

Damn. Have to conduct trials tmr, and I haven't even settled how or what I'm gonna do. Yay champ.

it never rains, but it pours

Polo lost. Softball lost.

It's just been a horrible year for us hasn't it. What an awful B'div tournament for all our sportsmen. Damnit.







I've been adrift,
but I now know just how awful it is to not have You.

First post in four days. Been really lazy to post haha, have had a lot of stuff on the past few days, so I really need to take a breather.

Physics tmr! I've been mugging, but for some reason I just don't feel completely prepared. Graarh. I guess I'll have to go mug some more tonight.

Been an insanely hectic start to the term, such that I've hardly had time to actually sit down and think about things. Have to make time for it, cause I find that a bout of self-reflection really does help things. Sorted out some things that have been niggling on my mind the past few days. Discipline is the word.

Guess I got the recharging I was looking for.

65 for math.
7/15 for physics prac.

My gpa just got up, slammed the door, and flushed itself down the toilet bowl. O_O

Whats the point -_-

Yay gg now the rest of the year is just an exercise in damage limitation. HOW FUN.

Mugger's high. Yeah.

No la actually I'm just feeling damn tired -_-

The book review is driving me nuts. Spent almost 3 hours on it today and guess what I'm only half done -_-
And I'm stuck. Will try to finish it by tomorrow, but I guess it's probably just a pipe dream. Heh, at the very least I've got an extension to next week.

Yay now at least I'm no longer clueless about physics.

Tmr shall be spent at home studying too -.- Actually I just want to sleep. Gahh.

It says alot about student life that when you are sick, the MC just means more time to chiong out unfinished work. And mug.

Got a masterplan for today. I SHALL FINISH IT.

I'm becoming increasingly random. o_o

It's the first day of a new term and already the workload (carried over from the holidays too) is getting unbearable.

I think randomness is a reflex action. To cope. Yeah.

16th Birthday!

90th post. Nice number.

Finally I've turned16. (I have a penchant for stating the obvious) Strangely enough it arrived with little fanfare, but that's not really important is it? Thank you everyone for your wishes! :))

Although I can't believe I spent my 16th birthday doing math. Oh the ignominy.

Today marks the end of something. I hope it signals the start of something better, brighter. I'm not worrying though; I have faith in what lies in store.

I made 3 wishes today. If everyone of them is fulfilled, I really couldn't ask for anything more. For once, these are the deepest desires of my heart. They shall remain there for now.

(Been having a really lousy week, but thanks to everyone who've cheered me up! :) )

I'm feeling very very very very tired.

Ehh and slau knock it off will you? Stop the flaming; its just mean and pointless. We all have our own opinions, but keep the inflammatory stuff of public forums like blogs can?

I'll post up some pictures of our merry little jaunt (hah.) to penang later.

I really need to get out of this rut. :S

And btw: flamers just leave my tagboard alone can? I don't mind if you flame me cause frankly I couldn't care less, but leave your personal vendettas off my tagboard. I'm just very very sick of flamers already. I may as well delete the tagboard if it continues.

"Blessed be the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

- 2 Cor. 1:3-4

This has perfectly encapsulated my feelings about my past month.

This post is excruciatingly difficult to type. My finger is sprained, and there's a sickening crack when I bend it sometimes, you know the type you get when you pull your fingers? The pain of the crack, coupled with the pain of the sprain (O_O that rhymes what the heck) is making typing a chore.

But there's something I have to say:

I've only gotten through these few days unscathed because of my Lord Jesus Christ :) It's only by His strength alone that I've managed to stay afloat. Amen to that!

"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

- Luke 6:37

"In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know."

- John 14:2-4

Even after reading Scripture for so long, the treasure trove that is the Bible continues to throw out amazing promises like these.

For the wages of sin is death.

Death may come in many forms, not just the literal one we are all familiar with. Of course, that is the most obvious and most permanent form, but the others are just as deadly.

Emotional death.

Death to love.

Death to others.

All are tragic.

But we have an awesome promise: that we are no longer bound to sin! We are free from that endless torment. That does not mean that we are free from temptation, but that temptation no longer has any hold whatsoever upon us. In short, we are free.

That means that we are free to live.

I claim that promise. And the joy that I've found is amazing.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

- Jeremiah 29:11

Soar on Eagle's Wings

God works in wonderful ways. Amen to that!

I headed down to church today after school entirely expecting to just pick up the book I came for and head back home to study. What was unexpected was that I spent almost one and a half hours talking and sharing about really personal issues, about my walk with God and how I've been changing over the past few months or so. Really, it seems staggering.

I've been inspired. I've seen how powerful the Word of God is.

Thank you so much! :)

I want to continue to grow. I don't ever want to be satisfied.

Something I heard really struck me.

"The christian life is about soaring above the storms and tribulations. God wants to take us above the storm, away from the problems that we face."

I'll always keep that in mind now. O let me soar on eagle's wings!

I know what you're going through.

Teenage life is a big jumbled up mess of insecurities and secret fears. I know, cause I'm right smack in the middle of it too. It certainly isn't easy.

Scientifically speaking it's cos our hormones are causing emotional imbalances, which explains the crazy mood swings that we experience. But it's more than that too.

We're growing up. It's a really long and drawn-out process if you ask me. It would spare us alot of hurt, alot of sleepless nights if maturity could be gained overnight but sadly it can't. It's excruciatingly difficult to continue walking when sometimes life seems so pointless and trivial, where all we do is just study study study.

But our God is bigger than this. He'll bring you and me through.

Trust in Him. It took me a great deal of time, suffering and hurt to learn this simple truth.

Trust in our God. He'll lift you above the storm.

Omq I sound totally mugger-ish in the last post. Hehh.

Laid off from exercise for 3 weeks. Yesterday my shin got whacked by a certain Tan Joel (who has been suitably recompensated for his trouble) and it swelled up. To almost my knee size. I was doing my physics lab prac when I got up to get my hot water I immediately had to sit down again, cause of the swelling. Ahhh. Thankfully it's alot better today, although it still hurts abit. Was really scared at one point that my muscle was torn.

Don't you think 'OMQ' is a cool phrase?

Knvm.

(O_O!! I think I'm starting to sound like Merrill.)










O_O!!!!!!!!

K bye philo essay awaits. I positively drool in anticipation.

I imagine it's not a very pretty sight.

I'm very tired.

AHHH no my source of naruto has dried up! ):

Suddenly I've become very motivated after seeing how good everyone I know has done for the A Levels. 50% of RJ has 4As O_O

I feel decidedly inferior.

SO, I have resolved to work (A LOT) harder. Which is evidenced today by my 4+ hours of mugging! -beams-

I feel so proud (:

NO MORE SLACKING YES.

Though we may struggle

and sometimes lose our way;

remember, if you need me

I'll be there.

Don't lose hope :)

When you're faking a smile with the coffee to go;

Haha. Out of the (incessantly overplayed) song, this is the only line that really strikes me. Just how much of our lives is facade, how often is it that these walls that we erect around ourselves as protection actually get struck down?

Just a thought. Bye.

I'm tired, nursing a headache and I have a running nose to boot.

Not to mention an SS test tomorrow, as well as the whole multitude of stuff that's due next week, along with 4 tests.

Quick filler post before I go and do my SS. Bye.

I happened to start to read my old posts on my old blog.

My, how much has changed.

I think although I didn't realize it, I was in need of serious help. >_>

Compromises

If there's something I've learnt over these past few years is that nothing is perfect, and we've got to stop expecting things to be. That utopian ideal is just never going to happen, like it or not. Sure I find myself hoping but reality is not so obliging.

So what I'm trying to say is that we have to take the good with the bad. It may not be easy (heck I have trouble with it myself) but I guess if we're ever going to be satisfied we have to make compromises.

I hope things work out. I don't like seeing things the way they are >_>

On another note, sorry if I shouted at anyone in class, whether in the past or whatever >_> Merrill says when I'm sleepy I shout at people, which is...er yah quite true >_> Haha when I'm tired I just get very very irritable. Sorry people!

Am I too dependent?

For Chinese CCT the comprehension passage was on love. What a cliched subject, but still. It's something that I have on my mind; but no it's not what you're thinking. It's all about letting go.

Are there happy endings? Or merely a satisfactory arrangement between two parties?

I want my happy ending.



And I'll wait for you, wherever you are.

Yay.

Haha today was hands-down the best day of the month. :D

After FL we went to Auntie Shermeen's house, and watch the kids play DS. Nintendogs (y) and Pokemon Ranger (y)(y)

Headed back, then off around the neighbourhood to give out flyers for CM. When commenting on how hyper the kids were (always running!) Amanda told me that I'm getting old -_-

Went Tamp Mall, dropped the Touche people at Pizza Hut for their 'committee lunch' then headed with Mark to watch Jansen shop for 1+ hour (y) He's worse than a girl la! HAHA take so long to shop, then in the end gravitate here gravitate there. He went to look for soap at isetan and ended up browsing at the men's sale -_- Then even worse, bought a pair of bermudas that are black with bright yellow flower imprints. Believe me, it looks worse than it sounds. I would have taken a picture, but I decided to be nice to you readers. Haha.

Then headed off to Bernie's place. Ate 3 slices of pizza (mmm) and played card games. I've discovered that I'm not scared of dogs anymore. Left at 4 to rush home.

BMC peeps are cool and fun people to hang around with (y)

heng.

What threatened to be a totally killer week has since dissipated quite nicely.

Math TA and Chem OBA has been shifted to week 10.

So that leaves behind Chinese on Monday, Bio on Tuesday and SS on Thurs.

Don't forget SS project which we so plan to leave until last minute then panic. Wait. That doesn't sound like a very promising plan. SLAU! >_>

A quick post before rushing off to do the math and chinese that I've been procrastinating about all morning.

I need more TES4 time. Meh. Forgive my idiosyncracies, they help me to maintain the look of a wholly functioning human being that is capable of rational cognitive thought.

Fine that didn't make sense. I better go do my work now.

I won't emo here anymore. Spare you readers from my angst-ridden posts.

But dam-

Right, I have to keep to what I said.

ENOUGH. I have other sources to release pent-up frustration.

And that's what friends are for.






I've got a Nvidia 6600GTX for sale along with 2 games (warrior within and splintercell pandora's tomorrow). Name your prices if you're interested! Willing to listen to any reasonable offers.

I'm not going to give up.

1

2 days forced rest at home for 2 days.

Whoopdedoo >_>

Mugging time!

First Love

Go check out First Love by Utada Hikaru. The piano instrumental is better than the song itself IMO. Used in FFVIII if I'm not wrong. Beautiful, beautiful song.

I lost my voice in school today.

No introspective post for today, because I have a nagging headache and my throat is bugging me. >_>

5

I think I've fallen sick.

Again.

*Cough*

Suddenly the Star Wars Expanded Universe has become compelling again. Mmmhm. The liberties they enjoy taking with the source material is rather compelling. Lucas should have just made a movie out of the novellae that have arisen out of his created universe. The dialogue is certainly better.

Locke beckons. His treatise on political philosophy is marvellously sleep-inducing.

Back to school again.

PSGM finale went alright. Didn't exactly go exactly the way I pictured it in planning, especially in the giving out the class titles bit, but overall I think it was a good job. Perhaps one regret that I'll carry with me is that I didn't manage to give my all into PSGM, taking a rather backseat role. But anyway its over, and with it the whole orientation programme.

I'll carry with me the memories. I'll take with me the lessons learnt. I'll go on and emerge stronger from this experience, I will.

Passion, pRIde, Power.




I find myself yearning for the days gone by. Haha I sound just like those old folks who keep on talking about those 'glory days', where 'everything was better in my time'. I used to dismiss it as sentimental reminiscing. In life however I take strength from the past. It's in the past that we can plan our future. And I shall remember the happiest times of my life. Where my life was changed by some very special people that are dear to my heart. Pure and simple bliss. Haha. Bliss. Don't you just like the sound of that word? It sounds nice and soothing in itself.

Tears return. But not those of frustration or anger or sadness. Tears of joy :)

4

Gan: Hey, happy CNY to you too.

Well, I wouldn't exactly say its a bad thing. I think my blog is a place where I have the license to just say what I want to say and let the barriers drop for once, and I realize that many people don't really see that other side of me, the perhaps more vulnerable, even (emo) side. And that may be a good thing, that I keep these feelings away from school, so that it doesn't interfere with life. When I blog like this I deal with matters that are of importance to me, and by typing out my thoughts I make sense of my thoughts and let others get an insight into how I tick. Of course, I hope none of you after reading my blog think that I'm totally just depressed. Heck. Far from it. I'm glad that through my posts you got to know me better, and hopefully my other readers do too, cause in the end blogs are for social interaction as well, are they not? Cheers.

3

peace.

Haha. I think it's safe to say that the first crisis of my life is OFFICIALLY OVER.

It's not been an easy journey. And I know it's been a path that's been trodden on by many before me, and one that will continue to be trodden on long after I'm gone. Who said growing up was easy?

But the pain, the trials, the hurt. Along the way I've questioned many many times just WHY did I have to go through it.

I carried a whole pack of bitterness and resentment for the past 6 months. Just letting it simmer underneath the surface. In refusing to deal with it, I actually stoked the flames. Inevitably it had to boil over. And it did, as I think all of you saw. In all the bitter rants, the discomfort, the lack of PEACE.

But tonight, I've made my peace.

I know now I'm where I'm supposed to be.

And that's more than enough for me (:

Here's a really quick and brief post before I rush out to catch a movie with the family (Just Follow Law I think. Nothing else really, since I've watched Epic Movie).

Buffet lunches are bad for stomach. Eating too much is not good for the digestion.

Math and Bio don't mix well with CNY. Nosir.

Naruto Shippuuden is ownage! Hurry hurry I want to see what happens in the battle between Kakashi Naruto and Sakura! (Although I already know who won but WHO CARES I WANNA SEE XD)

2

Visiting today was lax.

Which is great!

Rest a while, then off to math.

How quaint.

Happy CNY!

Hey thanks yingjie! Happy CNY to all of you!

I feel super satisfied now. I woke up at 12 today :) The first time I've got to sleep in since the holidays ended. HAHA.

I wonder what CNY means to me now. At the moment all it's holding is the prospect of a hell lot of tests in week 9. which means I have to start mugging now. Zzz. What a way to spend CNY.

CNY Performance

Didn't post yesterday because I was too tired, and had to sleep to maintain any semblance of wakefulness during today's CNY performance.

I think our drumming was rocking (y) It went quite well! The months of hard work paid off (=

One really funny thing happened before the performance. We were standing by ready for the concert to start, then headmaster bob koh came over to talk to us. He told us that last time lion dance was very cool, and that he used to play the drums! Hahaha then he borrowed a pair of drum sticks and tried to play. Um. Tried. XDD Hahaha but quite cool pls! I was trying to keep from bursting out laughing, and Thomas and I had to turn the other way so as not to let him see HAHA.

In my opinion I think our bayley dance performance was hands down the best run we've ever did, even including all our many hours of rehearsals. We did really really really well, and from what I heard some people even thought that we should have got 1st or 2nd! Unfortunately we ended up 4th, but NEVERMIND. We're winners, and we know it (=

A big thank you goes out to the whole bayley team for the amazing effort and commitment that each one of us have shown in preparing for the concert! Even though it was a very last minute thing (no thanks to..) we still triumphed in the face of adversity and totally rocked the house down. Another big thank you goes out to kaiyuan! HAHA even though we like to make fun of you but a BIG THANK YOU is in order for all the time and effort you spent on us even though you were under absolutely no obligation to do so. HEH.

I've been dreading this day for the past month or so, and it just feels so GOOD now that it's over :)

Went to LAN and watch movie after school. LAN was fun, we lost a game even with a kill death score of 83-45 (y) We held off with a FT and 1 tower for 45 mins. (y)

EPIC MOVIE IS RETARDED. HAHAHA. 70 minutes only -.- Really really really lame although there are some very funny parts (but still very lame). I almost got taupoked by hanni qiaoer and gabriel (the squasher) cause I insisted on watching it, and now they're demanding that I refund them the $9 they spent on the ticket. Lol.

Singtel and it's bloody unwieldly way of unsubscribing from content services may have just cost me $10.

Screw it.

I just thought of two things that have amused me alot:

1) All the bayley dance people spent valentine's day dancing with guys and eating a wonderfully romantic mcdonald's order in dinner XD Funny or sad, I dunno. Hahahaha.

2) Lin Kai Yuan - L.K.Y. - Lee Kuan Yew

I'm abit shocked. XDD

Since it's Valentine's Day today, I started thinking about the significance that people place on this event that arrives only once a year, and how it means different things to different people. For those who are attached, they look forward to this very day, where they get to spend it with their beloved. For those who are single, its a glaring reminder of their singlehood, or perhaps it arouses painful memories of how previous relationships have soured. Valentine's Day is an exclusive day.

Despite the crass materialism of today's society, one thing about us that will never change is our need to be emotionally dependent upon another, whether its friendship or love. Without these, life as it is, the mindless pursuit of money and pleasure, is utterly meaningless. I for one would be happier being poor and having true friends than being rich and being surrounded by fakers.

Hahaha I'm very tired so no more for tonight. This philosophical type of posts sound so good when you visualize it but somehow it gets lost in translation. -.-

I think I'm going to fall sick right in time for CNY!

(y)

Feeling very tired. Dance is more tiring than it seems. Don't believe go try.

Note to self: I hate shifting instruments.

After having a rather long convo with someone yesterday, I'm can't say that everything was solved, but I certainly felt better and abit more at peace with myself. Thanks for the promise, you don't know how much it means to me :)

Was feeling quite okay this morning until maths cct. A 40 minute paper was somehow cut short to 30 minutes, with everyone except our dear maths teacher realizing. And so a tedious paper (for which 40 minutes is too short already) was made a hundred times tougher.

What I'm trying to say in other words is that I'm going to fail ><

Damnit. Totally screwed my whole mood over for the next few hours.

Left school at 1230 to go to Singapore Concert Hall for syf practice (where we had our voices of the dragon concert last year to all those who went :) ). Well personally I don't think it did us much good lah. Alot of trouble just to load and unload all the things (for which unfortunately I'm in charge of zzz). Felt very sian after coming back to RJ, but still had to have practice with Mr Ngoh until 6. Jammed abit on the drumset after that, then headed to 1P classroom for dance practice. I think we've improved alot! Good job (y)

I can't wait for friday to be over and done with. It'll cap an end to a busy, stressful and moody week.



Heh. Thanks for all who read my previous post and tagged and stuff. It helped :) I may not have shown it today in school but yeah. I realize that in school I tend to act in a certain way, hiding my true feelings and thoughts, perhaps even afraid to express them.

I need to learn to trust again. To trust.

brutal and honest.

The peace of God is something that transcends understanding. I feel alot better now, even though I haven't really sorted out any of the problems, I still feel at peace. I feel an inexplicable joy, and its all the more inexplicable considering the amount of stress I'm in.

Lord You are amazing

I no longer feel that frustration, the anger, the sorrow. He has given me the courage to accept, and move on. Honestly, if it weren't for God in my life now, I'd be wasted now. Totally wasted; unable to do anything, unable to cope, unable to go on. The fact that I'm still on my two feet now is really a testament to how God has been there for me.

I'm the type of person that really cannot take rejection. I dunno why. I guess I'm the type of person that really places alot of value on the relationships that I have. It's only by God's grace that I've lived through all the jibes, sniggers, putdowns which hurt me alot more than you think. Like after quitting rugby for instance. All the jokes about CO, all the 'loser' catcalls. It hurt, it really hurt, and damnit it still continues to hurt. Seetow will know, I've told him before. But I'm living through it, and though on a daily basis damn it still continues to hurt, God is still pulling me through.

And you know, frankly I really HATE, really HATE the name 'cake'. I really detest it. Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I just think that it's just degrading. Hah. And I really can't stand it. It's a huge effort everytime not to respond, not to show it, but underneath I just let it slide, let it build up until I can't take it anymore. And I think it's all reached boiling point recently. I may not have shown it, but honestly? Everytime someone calls me 'cake' I really wanna just go whack the person, as in really start to fight, thinking to hell with the consequences that guy's going down but I don't. It's bloody hard to take it and just smile, you know? I guess that's why when people actually bother enough to use my real name, I'm really very grateful. It actually means more to me than you know. This may come as news to many of you, but yeah. Or maybe you're not going to care anyway.

One thing I know is that no matter what I still will go on, not by my own strength. Far from it. If I was only living by my own strength I would be in a really screwed up state now, perhaps emo-ing 24/7 that type. It's a continual struggle, one that I have to pull through every single day I'm in school. Waking up in the morning is something I have to face everyday, and just about all the time I just wanna stay home. Away from it all. Which is why I enjoy the freedom I have and the peace I find in church. But I don't want to be a coward. I'm sure God doesn't want me to just stay at home and what feel sorry for myself, and frankly I don't care much for that type of life either.

Someone once told me that he/she doesn't know how I continue to smile, remain happy-go-lucky. I don't know about the accuracy of that since I'm in no position to judge but well the fact is I'm anything but happy go lucky. I care so damn much that it hurts. It's a fight to stay happy, to continue smiling, despite all the shit I'm going through. Sorry but I'm just finding it very hard not to swear right now. I've made it a point this year to stop swearing and so far it's been pretty alright up till now. I'm damn tempted to just swear and just flood this post with BOLDED and HUGE swearwords. But I'm not going to.

This tirade if it can be called that is an accumulation of almost a year's worth of pent up frustration, unhappiness and it's reached a point where I can't take it anymore. Somehow over the course of this post I've gone too emo for my tastes. I actually never intended to post this much, but one thing led to another.

But my God still allows me to smile, to cope, to live.

=)

rueful though this smile may be, but nonetheless, I'll continue to smile. Yeah.

breaking point

My day has been ruined. My CD-drive isn't working, so I can't use any cds of any sort. Which means, no music, no games, no WORK even. And worst of all the next time I'll be able to get my computer repaired will be during the march holidays, more than half of which will be spent in penang. Which may mean that I'll never be able to get it fixed within the next few months. AND SYF IS IN APRIL. MY PERFORMANCES ARE ON FRIDAY, I'VE GOT A MATHS CCT TMR, AND I'M FEELING OVERSTRETCHED AND about to break down.

I really feel like swearing now. Just screaming at the world for a bit. Yeah.

All this isn't being helped by the fact that now I'm feeling stressed, frustrated and more than a little unhappy.

I need to be free. To be able to just drop it all and go. But I can't. I'm sick of being enclosed in all the time, trapped in petty concerns and living the way other people expect me to. Please.

I need freedom.

Post 50!

Wahaha this is my 50th post on this blog!

*beams*

I really should be revising and doing math now. But somehow I just can't get started. Which explains why I'm here typing this now.

Zzz mediacoder pls pls pls pls work. I need those vids =(

Haven't felt so happy in ages. I guess its a good way to start the week, seeing that next friday is the performance already. Stress.

Should I go for interhouse rugby? There's a possibility we can field an all-rugger team for bayley. Whoa. (Ding's considered an honorary member.)

For those who don't know, all those random tags on my tagboard were tagged during SS lesson today in the com lab XD

Overall I guess house day went alright. It was abit of a fiasco in some aspects (that 1E didn't come down at all save 6-8 ppl and that the exco called for the sec ones to meet in the canteen which is crazily crowded during lunch), but once the ball got rolling it went pretty well. During the interaction with the small groups I was surprised that I actually had fun talking to the sec ones. Looks like a pretty funky batch from what I've seen so far.


Gonna be a busy day tmr, think I'll be out the whole day and worst I have to wake up at 7. Damn.

Raffles 31-6 Montford

Damn. Bryan and Chris injured (ankle and shin respectively) in the season's first game. What the heck. Get well soon guys.

I can't say that I don't miss rugby. Especially after hearing about games like these when, damnit, sometimes I think I should have been there. Zzz. Especially after hearing arif tell me last week that they could have used me in bdiv, since other than lennie they need someone to be the scrumhalf.

But then again, there isn't much point in dwelling on the things that might have been. It's tempting to live in that fantasy world, where everything is as you wish it to be, but the point is that its NOT. Real life sadly can be a sucker punch in the gut. I've been living with that sucker punch for ages now. I guess I can continue on.

Go R^2

XD to all the taggers! Hahaha.

Whoa its gonna be a looooong two weeks (ok one week and a bit). Just came home 2o minutes ago, and that's likely to be my schedule for the next week. CNY concert is a big pain.

Bayley dance was surprisingly quite fun after a while, after I got over the -_-ness of the moves. Haha so now I'm going to perform twice next friday. Damn.

OH AND NEXT WEEK HAS MATH CCT. SHIT.

Jorel's recent tags deserve a post all to their own, but unfortunately, no inspiration tonight. ><

Weird Al Yankovic is a genius ^_^

White and Nerdy

Weird Al Yankovic White & Nerdy Lyrics

They see me mowin' my front lawn
I know they're all thinkin'
I'm so White and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too
White and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite red M.C.
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are Cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces

I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run (run)
At Pascal, well I'm number one (one)
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soddering gun (what?)
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon
Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my segway
I know in my heart they think
I'm White and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas A
lthough it's apparent
I'm too White and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy
I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics
You know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L
I got a business doing websites (websites)
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo
I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me gettin' freaky
I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club
And even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', they're laughin'
And rollin' their eyes cause
I'm so White and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm White and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

This song is totally ownage! HAHA the video rocks go see it! Merrill and I went nuts over it today HAHAHA.

I hate two-faced people, who talk about you behind your back, and only reveal their true colours after you no longer matter to them, when you've outlived your purpose.

I'm glad our class is free from these type of people.

Well, going to church today has helped me to forget about things for a bit and move on.

Folded paper cranes today for Children's Ministry. For the rice bowl thing, where Super(the brand) is donating 100g of rice for every crane folded to the poor. It's harder than it looks. And I heard that Temasek Poly folded 5 tonnes of the thing. What the heck.

Didn't do any of the work I wanted to just now, so now is PIA TIME. bb.

I'm exhausted.

Had practice in the morning, rushed off at 1230 to church for auditions (which I think went um alright) then off to kembangan mrt to wait from 350 to 430 for hanni. Took mrt to pasirris then walked to costa sands. The chalet was pretty okay, had alot of fun screwing around playing soccer. HAHA we got damn bored so we did some american football thing, getting the poloers to throw at *ahem* then we all chiong in a line to get it or knock it on. Hahahaha damn funny! Barbecue was okay, but there was hell lot of extra food. Then new paper came over to do a story on the chalet cos apparently the donation to cancer society was big news -.-

Personally I don't like the way the paper sensationalizes things, but what else can we expect from the only tabloid in sg? I only like the sports section :)

Haha then we went to play pool! Pool was fun, although I still can't play well. Heh. Must play more often! There was this surly malay cleaner who got damn buay song with us while we were playing (maybe cos we were stopping the balls from going into the holes xD) but still don't need to shout at us like we are convicts liddat right! Haiz. After that I took a lift from slau's mum home (thanks slau!).

Now I'm really feeling the effects la. Been such a hectic week, so many tests, so many commitments. Aahhh. And theres still undone homework! AHH. Zuowen, ss essay! Nooo~

I'll go to sleep soon. Really really damn exhausted now. It says alot that I managed to end up sleeping while sitting up with music blaring in my ears while waiting at the mrt station -.-

I need strength.

I was irritatingly made to-

check that.

COERCED to create a google account just to use blogger. What a pain.

I'm totally tired, both mentally and physically. Damn.

And it's going to be a long long day tomorrow. Haven't decided whether I should go for chalet tmr night or not. Zzz it's gonna be so crowded...

Another draining morning of CO prac where I do believe my blood pressure skyrockets exponentially. Seriously. I can't take much more of the crap I'm getting.

Then off to church for my keyboard trials. I'm unprepared, and not allowed to practice now cos there are guests over. I'm not confident at all...

That's it, nothing much more to post. Ta.

By request of Jorel

Since jorel has so kindly tagged in response to my previous post, he shall get his reward!

chanky: rawr i hate you

=)

First off, understatement of the year. When told about this post, he replied:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
oh no.
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
i dun think theres anything good.

Well done jorel!

Now, some of you might have noticed merrill's msn nick, boldly proclaiming that OHNO JOREL IS GAYY!!!!!! Hmm. Just why is this so? Perhaps it has something to do with this quote:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
i tink neo is v cute when he smiles

I think this explains itself.

No one can comprehend the awe-inspiring mind that is chankwokyeongjorel. What goes on in its confines is unknowable. All that we know is that they are constantly preoccupied with churning out random gems like this one:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
WAIT LA THE PAGE LOAFING!!

Indeed.

When jorel has the occasion to be pissed off, irritated or what have you, he instinctively displays his amazing grasp of the english language, spontaneously coming up with new swear words, just like Shakespeare did so long ago!

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
oh my stook

Hmm. 'stook'. What a fascinating word! We first encountered it in class, where apparently he stook some tacks onto the board.

His blog apparently isn't exempt from his genius and oh-so-humble nature as well!

But i shall forgive these kind of people, being such a amazing, caring, kind, considerate, appreciative, magnanimous, forbearing, tolerant, respectful, forgiving, amicable, benevolent, gracious, loving, obliging, thoughtful, lenient, benign, pleasent and nice person. (:

Note the innovative spelling of the word 'pleasant'! I like his audacity at using the word 'benign' as well! As in, benign tumour right? I totally see your logic jorel!

In addition to possessing *ahem* tendencies, jorel also shows another worrying side:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
OMG OMG OMG
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
I <3>

Apparently he has a fetish for anime characters as well! When asked about stalking, jorel replied:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
(:

O_O

His mind also looks to be operating on a different plane of existence from us. His logic is inpeccable.

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
you go my blog
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
then look at ppl who tag my blog
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
):
†tze praise Him! says:
?
†tze praise Him! says:
wad abt it
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
er
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
you never tag!
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
*hates*

As expounded on before, his mind seems to have a different train of thought from the rest of us. Perhaps it was derailed a long time ago, but ANYWAY:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
haf you done ur ss
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
ssay
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
sssssssssssay!
†tze praise Him! says:
on what!?
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
my blog?
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
xD

His skills of deduction are unparalleled anywhere! Look at this:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
(n)
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
(y)(n)
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
they're left hands!
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
msn <3>

Okay I think that's enough for one night. Note that all this and the quotes in the previous post were compiled in the space of one night. Imagine the horror that's just waiting to be released onto society o.O

pointless post

Going for keyboard auditions on saturday for FL. I hope I'll do well, but I'm under no illusions. Go there and try my best and let it take its course lor. That's not saying that I'm not going to prac over these next few days. Haha.

I realize all my posts have been all serious and stuff, so here's a pointless post to brighten up your day! Haha

Peng has knack of self-jacking. When talking about fears for his EL speech, he came up with this masterpiece - on the spot too!

'There are many common fears, like such as, um, SNAKES!" o.O

Check that. Jorel has a knack of saying stupid stuff too.

When asking about bio practical tmr, he revealed this gem:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
im sure he get one eye for us to draw

After shouting at him that we draw our own eye (i.e reflection), he went one up:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
im sure dat friggin sick

O_O JOREL!!!

He thinks we're gonna pluck out our own eye and draw it O_O

After shouting to him some more, finally understanding, he again outdid himself:

`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
oh
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
er
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
so we like draw the front view?
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
cool
`Çhanky; the pie.~* says:
wad's in front?

(y) claps!

Of course, I haven't mentioned the ultimate ultimate jackness. After surreptiously finding out one of the questions to a certain test today, Jorel went to the TEACHER OF ALL PEOPLE and asked her how to do the question. BEFORE THE TEST. GAVE THE SPECIFICS TO THE QUESTION AND ALL.

AHHHHH -facepalm-